Owie, my throat hurts. I guess I'm getting sick or something; I woke up with the worst sore throat of my life...but dragged myself to work anyways because I really can't afford to miss out on the paycheck, lol.

But that's it for awhile...I work the second weekend in July, and then for a week towards the end of the month. So I'm really pushing the music stuff more than ever.

And so far, so good. The big news is:

Radio-Active-Music.com will be vending at various goth/industrial clubs starting in July!! Midnight is the first club to confirm, but I have a few others in the works. So I've been contacting bands all day trying to get my inventory up, and so far the response has been overwhelmingly positive.

It looks like this show I'm trying to book is a go...just waiting for confirmation from the band...I wanna say it, I wanna say it...but I don't want to jinx myself, lol. *crosses fingers*

Tell me, honestly
What can I say to you?
How can I express myself
When you don't believe in love?
How can I communicate
In a way you would understand?
How can I say those words
And watch you snear?
I can't say "I love you"
And bear to watch your eyes grow cold
Or explain why it's just a chemical
Or undercut my logic.
I miss you so much.

The worst part is that I immediately thought about 20 people who I should send this to when I read it:


Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

An excerpt from today:
[19:43] Me: need more wine....
[19:43] Me: fridge so far away...
[19:43] Me: hey
[19:43] Marius: what?
[19:43] Me: will you fly out here and bring that bottle of wine to me?
[19:43] Marius: sure
[19:43] Me: awesome
[19:44] Me: jsut like, give me a call when you get close

Yeah.

If today is any indication about how life is going to be as a promoter...well...welcome to the fast lane, times 2.

First of all: fuck Verizon. No, seriously. All I want is a phone. I have money, I will pay you. Just give me a new phone, and plug my number up to it. Why is that so hard?

Secondly, still have hopes for this new show. Should know something more definite by Wednesday.

Thirdly...a complete surprise, but I think I may have a smashing new band interested in the label. So...things are definitely happening again.

I was up until 5am working on this show. And actually, I may have found something after all. I can do this.

Off to make Verizon give me a new phone...

The day started out so well, and ended so badly.

I did my shoot today, which was sooo much fun...even more so than the first. Larry is a really cool dude, and we played around quite a bit. So we'll see how that comes out.

I got home and thought that my first show was a success...even made the flyer and everything, when at the last moment it came crashing down. So...honestly, even though it was a small show...I'm devestated. I have tried so damn hard to book so many shows in this hell hole of the mid-atlantic...I had hoped that being in a bigger city that actually has venues would make things just a bit easier.

To add to my continued frustration regarding my business, I seem to have hit a brick wall with another band revolving around what everyone would term "creative differences".

I know I'm not the best designer in the world. But I think, still, overall, I have a pretty good conception of good and bad, professional and Angelfire. And everything I try to do for every band I work for is for their benefit. Like I wrote on my intro on my DA page...I look at my work as taking the talent that an artist brings to the table and packaging it up into a cohesive whole. That's all I'm trying to do.

I can't promote a band that has a sloppy image...for instance, if I'm trying to book a show and your press pack looks like it got put together by my mom; or if I'm trying to promote you on the web and your myspace profile stretches across three computer screens due to images that are 7850789086896 pixels across; or if I'm trying to sell an album that has artwork that's more badly pixelated than those wierd alien dudes on Aqua Teen Hungar Force. Just not gonna happen.

The sad part is I actually really enjoy working with bands that need help in areas like that. The hard part is getting them to let go...or having the comfort zone in order to take the risk of energy spent that may - or may not - result in a future paycheck.

I hate thinking about my music work like this now. But the line has been crossed. This is a business. This isn't just a hobby where I can use my free time as I see fit without a thought toward benefit to myself. But god, I wish it still could be like that on days like today.

In conclusion, thank you Jacob for your infinite e-cuteness. Because, you're the cutest. Ever. Yeah. You. Wait for it. Wait for it... *POUNCE!* :-D

Tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow I try for another show date, and tomorrow I return to take another RAM project to the forefront.

Tomorrow I also buy a new cellphone finally, because now my current one blows.

Song of the Day: Concrete - "Entitlement" www.myspace.com/concreteband

...and the legacy dies with me.

My mom just called a little while ago and told me that my uncle Mike (on my dad's side) has passed away today. Those of you privaledged enough to know my family know that my uncle was, aside from my dad and our immediate family, the last of our line. He was also a bum, who lost all of his inheritance about 10 years ago in endless get-rich-quick schemes. We rarely heard from him, other than once every few years when he would call asking my dad for more money. So I have to admit my feelings of sadness are pretty selfish; and it is, finally, that I had always hoped he'd settle down and have a family so that our name didn't end with me.

Nope. That's it. I'm the last Hofford. Well, I think there are some other lines out there that must be in some way related to us, but as for our little branch of the family...it's over. I'm not really well connected to my family as most of you know, but it's still sad...because we had such potential.

I don't know where my name loyalty comes from, really, other than "Hofford" is just a cool and unique name. It sounds intense. Growing up when I was playing sports, that's how my coaches referred to me. It just has staying power. Or did, anyways.

So I guess I'll just have to make sure that whatever I do in this life is enough to make people say my name for just a little bit longer.

Song of the Day: Disown - "Mother of Pearl (Acoustic)" www.disown.cc

So it looks like, finally, I may have done it. I might have my first show here. Not gonna go into details until I have final confirmation, but I'm excited that I may get to start putting out "Radio-Active-Music.com presents..." flyers as early as next week. There's still so much more I wanna do, but I realized last night...damn...I've taken this pretty far already. Go me.

Woke up early today and got the screen mounted on our wall. It'll need a bit of adjusting once the last wrinkles start falling out, but it's almost there...I have all my wires pulled out too, so all I need to do really is get the projector situated and make a cable loom. Allllriiiight.

Forgot to mention this, but I'm doing another photo shoot tomorrow morning for a bit. Should be hot.

For those of you who are spiritual/religious, please keep Corrie's friend in your thoughts and prayers; he's in a coma and waiting for a liver transplant.

I noticed the other day that Myspace.com now has your zodiac sign hotlinked to your horoscope and all that jazz. So that's kinda fun. Here's my number for today:

"Number for Today: 6
Physical work around the house and family matters capture your attention today. You're part of and privy to serious conversations, and may be feeling physically vulnerable. Dress comfortably and eat well today, taking special care not to overindulge. An office romance may blossom today."

Well, I think I've covered all of that in the first hour of me being awake, aside from the office romance. And seeing as I don't work in an office, I guess I'm just screwed. Lol.

Song of the Day: Fluffy Starr - "Control Freak" www.fluffystarr.com

So we're having some really beautiful thunderstorms. Lightning everywhere. Maybe since I spent most of my time in the mountains I never got a full picture, but driving home over the relative flatness up here was really cool. Though I still have my vague uneasiness in the back of my mind with my never ending fears of tornados.

I wonder if my future contains a great deal more of audio engineering. I got an email from the PM of one of the theatres I work for about next season, asking me to do 3 of the shows. So I think, yeah, cool...but then he goes on to say that he wants me to run sound for two of them. Hmn. On the flip side, I really want to learn more about audio, considering that in some point in time I think I might want to get into live concert mixing, so hey...why not?

Song of the Day: Heretics In The Lab - "The Living" www.hereticsinthelab.com

I forgot to mention this the other day, but Corrie and Vince have convinced me to do an intro course for Tae Kwan Doe (I hope I spelled that right) in hopes that I can compete along side them in their next tournament. Both of them had videotaped their matches from the last competition, and it looked so cool...reminded me a bit of Tai Chi, and I really miss doing that sort of thing. So I'm gonna start next week and see how it goes. Really excited about that.

Work wasn't too bad. Makes me appreciate running lights though, lol. One of my coworkers may have found me a pretty interesting gig for next week, which was nice of him since I had mentioned yesterday that I was hurting for work next month. He also mentioned that he might have a show opening for a anime convention he's somewhat involved in, so I'm gonna attempt to get one of my bands in on that. I'm still working on getting a few more shows lined up around here for various people. It's so damn tough. I don't think I really like being a manager/live event promoter so far. The scene around here is so damn closed and pretentious. I don't know what I'm gonna have to do to break in around here short of opening my own venue. Everything has been a dead end so far. But still trying...still working...still hoping. One of these days something will break, and then things should get relatively easier...

My friend Stephen found this comic line that is some of the funniest takes I've seen in quite awhile. Click the comic for more goodies:

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Song of the Day: Razed In Black - "Preacher" www.razed.com

Another uneventful day at work...it looks like the sound situation is going to be much less hectic than I had originally thought (and yes, you're right Chris...I can handle it...and honestly, it's all thanks to you and Dave. *hugs*), and in fact I spent a good part of the day just building new equipment racks for the house management department. Strangly, I suddenly feel like I'm back at VWCC again...wasn't I just building multimedia carts yesterday?

Got some work done over the last few days in regards to music stuff. Been talking to Marius of Cynergy 67 about their release and my plans in general for RAM, so that was a good convo. He might be coming out here to visit sometime in the next few weeks, so that'd be cool.

I realized today that I am unfortunately one of those people who can't live without technology, after a panic attack when I misplaced my cell phone after coming in from the pool. Thank you, Joe, for saving my sanity.

Finally heard back from a friend of mine that had seemingly dropped of the face of the planet, so that was nice.

One of my buds had that job interview up here today, so I hope that works out...it'd be awesome to have him and his wife around again. Good people...and she cooks really, really well. :-P

Talked to Colleen today, too...can't wait till she comes home so we can party again, lol.

I got Dana and Laura's wedding invitation in the mail. It's like a flyer for a concert, along with two tickets. Because the entire wedding is in rock concert theme, which is totally hot. My pink hair will fit right in. Way to come up with a good excuse to tell my parents why I dyed it when I come home; thanks man! *grin*

Song of the Day: Jacob Bock - "Friday" www.firewalkingmusic.com

I went from electrician to engineer in one badly managed case of high school musicals.

I was supposed to be running lights this week, but the crew situation being what it is, I got thrown back behind the sound board for this show, which is both exciting and scary. It's cool that I still remember so much from having not run sound live in roughly 5 years (well, anything substantial anyways) but kind of nerve-racking to be working with a system I've never touch before (and this isn't just a "turn on the board and do it" thing - it's patching and the whole nine yards) and to have 8 wireless units, several wired mics, a few instruments, and a cd player thrown at me. All for some new musical that involves a self-written song about Facebook.com.

Anyways.

Last night at Olney wasn't too bad, though I had a table dropped on my toe. I don't wear steel-toed boots (for obvious reasons) so it's still smarting today. Meh.

I've recently gone on a health kick, and so far it's been good stuff. I mainly started with a better diet to try to keep my skin in better shape, and also because at work I felt like I was wimping out earlier than my coworkers. So I've been eating lots more fruits and veggies, and - here's the big one - I quit my caffeine habit. Drinking more water and more green tea. I feel a lot better, and in general have much more energy. So I've started working out now, too...not because I think I need to lose weight really, but to just be a bit more in shape. Though I realized last night that my biceps are now slightly larger than my neck...which is just kinda creepy, I think. So, uh, just working on the abs and legs for now, heh.

Skin is almost clear by now, too, aside from the lingering effects of having to wear a belt with tools every few days. Yay.

Well, I think I'm gonna clean my room and take it easy for the night. I've got a long week ahead of me...

Song of the Day: Psyclon Nine - "Genocide" www.psyclonnine.com

Friday night was awesome! Strangeland had a fetish wine & cheese party with a few goth/industrial DJ's and a fetish photographer displaying his work. I met a lot of cool people. Talked to one DJ who is trying to help me book a few shows...then met two more people who used to run HaVok down in Texas. Hung out with the photographer, who is really interested in doing a shoot with me and Corrie, lol. He seemed intrigued by Corrie's vampire tendencies, and maybe my knife collection. So that sounds like an ubercool roomie bonding outing in the near future, lol.

I touched up the pink in my hair and it looks even better than before. Why didn't I go crazy sooner? ;-)

Work hasn't been so bad this weekend - it was some intense labor at times, but for $25 and hour I'm not complaining. It actually was a lot of fun over all; I really like Jessie, and I dig dance shows in general. Plus doing a show close by for once was amazing, lol.

Tomorrow I'm back at Olney for strike, then Alden owns my soul for the rest of the week. I'm bummed out because I realized I'm going to miss the Frontline Assembly show now, but on the other hand I have better things to do with $25, I suppose...

I realized tonight my self-defeatism is creeping in again. You know, I think the reason I don't like the guy I mentioned yesterday is because he is an overall good guy in every respect from what I can tell. So, I mean, obviously, I don't deserve that because I'm fucked. Or something. I need to get my head straight.

I'm seriously contemplating going to church tomorrow morning. I'm not sure if that'll help with the head straightening, but it's been a few years and NoVA seems to be a little less bassackwards, so I figured it's worth a shot.

I got P9's first album last night finally (thank you Ryan & SL), and it's rediculously amazing...

Song of the Day: Psyclon Nine - "Rusted" www.psyclonnine.com

I know, long time no post (for me anyways). The rest of my trip to Ohio was great; me and Colleen had a lot of fun therapy shopping (though Victoria's Secret's sale was over, so we hit up Hot Topic instead). I got a great new pair of the traditional punk/gothic pants, so those are a lot of fun. The second Disown show was good too, but the sound system could have been better. The drive home was fairly painless, other than having to scrape together the remains of my spare change in my car (apparently it costs three dollars more to go east across Pennsylvania than it does to go west...freaks...), and I've spent the rest of this week at work as usual.

The beginning of the week was up at Olney, which was pretty fun, other than the 9 and 8 am work calls. Met some cool people, so hopefully I'll see them again sometime soon, even though I rarely work the Maryland electrics circuit. The ALD was pretty damn cute, lol.

I had the day off today as a surprise since we finished up focus early this week, and tomorrow and Saturday are going to be easy since I'm doing a small show right next door in Herndon. Next week I'm back at Alden for the entirity for another show. Work in general is keeping up...July looks to be the slowest, but now August is already booked up, too. I'm glad I can make a living doing this.

Talked to my old man finally for the first time in ages. I worry about him when I don't hear from him. *snuggles*

Talking to a friend of mine who is applying for a job up here...hope that works out, because then I can hang out with someone again who drinks more than I do, lol!

Having something interesting happen in my personal life. There's been someone in the background for awhile that had made it very clear that he likes me, but it's only this week that it's started to make an impact on me. I don't know what to think, really...but regardless, it is nice to have the knowledge that you're important to someone.

And on the final note of the evening...I wasn't trying to be a bitch tonight, really...but you have to understand how it makes me feel to know that you thought you could just pick things up again like you had never hurt me in the first place.

That's what I meant when I said I didn't trust you anymore.

Song of the Day: Disown - "I Disappear" www.disown.cc

Me: "Yeah, he's the one that wants to do both you and me at the same time."
Corrie: "Doesn't everyone?"

BTW. The lighting all kinds of sucked last night (6 front light pars, all some shade of red or pink...amber shift nightmare) but I got a few good photos in the end.

Nothing says "fun" like waking up smelling like smoke and being a touch hungover. :-)

Last night was one of the best nights I have had in a very long time. The venue was a cozy place right down the road from Colleen's apartment, so I rolled down there a little after nine with no problem. Everyone there was very friendly...kinda reminded me of the atmosphere of The Outback Lodge (which I miss very much now that I'm in DC). So I had a few beers, chatted with some people, and eventually caught up with some of the guys after they finished sound check.

Jae gave me a nice big hug and we talked about the upcoming tour. I might have found a show for them in DC for next month, so we talked about that and other things, and it was really cool. Later on Scott came up to me saying I looked familiar, so I introduced myself and we chatted off and on all night. He seems to be a very sweet guy, and the night was filled with moments of hilarity, including him putting a RAM button on his nipple ring, and then him gracefully dislodging a stream of toilet paper from my shoe, lmao. Good times. The whole crowd had a really family vibe to it, and there was a lot of crowd/band interaction. And Disown rocked the house, obviously. Sindust and Candy Coated Jesus also played, so it was cool to finally hear them live.

Colleen and some of her coworkers joined us later on, so that was fun. And our bartender totally hooked us up. Such a great night of awesome music, good people, and great dancing. I hope tonight will be just as great.

In the meantime I'm eating some Taco Bell (I swear, you can't beat the whole 79 cent bean burrito thing...like, you can pig out for under 3 bucks...way to go fast food!) and chilling online while Colleen does her matinee.

Tomorrow I'll drag my ass home and get ready for a week full of work. Meh. I wish I could just be on vacation permanently, lol.

Song of the Day: Disown - "INRI" www.disown.cc

As me and Colleen are doing a myspace survey. The question is, "How do you want to die?"

Colleen: How do you spell "Strangling?"
Me: S-T-R-A-N-G-L-I-N-G.
[a few moments later]
Colleen: How do you spell "Umbilical Cord"?
Me: This is so going on my blog.

*stretch* So me and Colleen just woke up and are chilling in the living room on our respective laptops, lol. The trip is great so far; the drive wasn't so bad (though Pennsylvania may indeed the most boring state on the east coast...well, maybe driving down through Florida is worse) and I got here in time to go see Colleen's show. Grease. It was actually pretty good, though I was more amused by the ancient Intellabeams and the lack of custom gobos. Whoohoo, crowd-blinders!

But it's great to be hanging out with her again; today we're going shopping at Victoria's Secret - because they're having a sale and we deserve it. :-) Then tonight we're going over to see Disown's first show this weekend here in town. So that should be loads of fun. Tomorrow we'll be going up to the bigger goth club - The Phantasy - where they'll also be performing.

I feel like I have a lot to write about how I'm feeling, but I don't have the right words yet. But it involves a strange mixture of being both lonely and yet completely satisfied alone. I just know that who I am now versus who I was 6 months ago is very, very different.

Song of the Day: Disown - "Beautifully Sickening" www.disown.cc

Hmmn...crazy, crazy work. Things are going well this week; I'm back out at the ampitheatre with Shakespeare to strike the show, and it seems to be going smoothly. We're scheduled to work through Wednesday, but I have a feeling we may be done tomorrow. So that's nice, because I hate early morning work calls, but sad, because I love working out there, and they have one of the higher pay rates in the area.

Speaking of early mornings sucking, apparently sometime in the week span that I wasn't driving in on 66, they changed the HOV restrictions from 9am to 9:30am, so now I'm totally screwed for both 9am AND 10am work calls. Used to be that I could hit it so that I got to the HOV-only section right at 9am when it flipped back to regular traffic and just barely make it in for my 10am's...now, regardless, I have to do my bassawkwards trip down and around and sneak back up 395. Meh. Such is life in the city.

I think tomorrow I'm going to go see the show at Woolly and spend the night with Gage. Which will be fun, both to hang out with him for awhile, and to not have to wake up quite so early to get to work on Wednesday.

The props department at Shakes has a cat. It's big and white and fat. They brought it to work today, and it likes hanging out on people's shoulders while they're walking around. I love kitties!

I got to play with the sledgehammer today at work while we were helping the carps strike the set. It was the hotness.

It occurs to me that on the side I've got how this is supposed to be more about me and my experience getting RAM going, but lately all I'm doing is theatre. So it seems, but that's not really the case. It's just kinda boring to talk about coding html pages for the new site. I guess, however, this is a good idea of how it is, in case anyone is wondering. I've done a lot of awesome things thoughout the last few years, but then there's also the day-to-day stuff of just maintaining a website, or doing finances. But it's all worth while, in the end. Speaking of which, I do have more time on my hands these next few months since the theatre season slows down for the summer. I'll be working 3-4 days a week mostly, and the rest of the time will be all about getting these releases out. It is happening, it's just not very apparent at the moment.

In other but somewhat related news, I'm getting ready for my trip up to Cleveland later on this week. I'm so excited to see Colleen, because I've really missed going to Alchemy with her, and sitting down at lunch breaks and shooting the shit. So there will be much girl bonding this weekend, as well as some good shows from the boys in Disown. Awesome!

And speaking of clubbing, I've recently been in contact with someone who is bringing back a goth club that was active in DC a few years ago, so I'm trying to become a part of that. I think it's great now that Nation is closing, and might be a really good potential outlet for bands trying to play in the area. So I really hope that develops into something worthwhile. I think it will.

I'm looking forward to hopefully meeting the lead singer of In Winter soon. I saw on her LJ that she's on tour with PIG and they're playing two shows in the area later on this month. And that should be a good show as well.

(See...I'm doing music stuff...gosh!)

Well, going to crash out early...gonna be another early morning tomorrow...

Song of the Day: Julien-K - "This Machine" www.julien-k.com

Wheee! I just got back from my photo shoot and it was soooooooooooooooo much fun! It was a really interesting day. The photographer does a wide variety of work, so there was a wild conglomerate of different people there throughout the day. I was supposed to be a quick shoot first thing this morning, but it evolved into a lot more, which was awesome.

The make-up artist had a bit of car trouble, so by the time she arrived, the next model (this one a real honest-to-god model who works in DC) was on her way. So to make a long story short, since this model was on a time schedule and the make-up artist wanted to play around with my face for some things for her portfolio, the photographer did her first, and in the meantime, I get about an hour and a half's worth of make-up done. Seriously. Since I was just there to have some fun and to give them a chance to try new things, this girl went all out and did a very Cirque-esque job - a bit of face paint on my temples, fake eyelashes, jewels...it was so neat. I looked like a doll! So once the photographer finished with the model he did a lot of artsy shots with me.

Then a friend of theirs came in for a corporate head shot dealie, so in the meantime I got more "real" make-up done and did some more casual shots that I can hopefully just use for RAM stuff. Very cool!

I'm usually really self-conscious about myself, but this is something I wanted to try for a really long time. And both of them were really cool...I had told the photographer flat out that I had skin issues earlier this week, but he was really laid back about it and didn't make me feel pressured at all. Plus with things getting better on my end, I think that helped me feel better about it. I felt so comfortable, regardless. I can't wait to see how these pics came out! And even if they don't, the experience was a great one. :-D

Song of the Day: Celldweller - "Frozen" www.celldweller.com

New pic:


I wasn't kidding when I said it was hot pink. In any case, it looks like my photo shoot this Saturday is on. I'm really excited about that, especially since...

I found the cure.

Well, the balance in anycase. In regards to my skin issues, one thing I had really been thinking about lately was trying to figure out what lifestyle changes I might had made in my transition to college that let this allergy get so out of control. Well, one thing I stopped doing was swimming. I've gotten in the pool every day this week, and my skin has healed by about two-thirds. Imagine that. So cross your fingers that this is what does it for me...

In other news, one thing that I've tried to keep about myself since middle school is to stop with the stupid hinting / manipulative crap that we all can tend to do, and keep things honest and straightforward. I think I do a pretty good job of that, most of the time. So please give me the same treatment, and if you have something to tell me, just say it.

Song of the Day: Concrete - "Harlot" (P9 cover)" www.myspace.com/concreteband