Today has been fairly disappointing in some respects, but maybe this is how things should go.

I got a call yesterday back about that job at the law firm, saying I had an interview today at 2. So I was thrilled - I went out and bought a suit jacket, redyed my hair, all that good stuff. This morning I get another call again, saying that the job has been "put on hold". The recruiter doesn't even know what to tell me that means...he didn't know if maybe they already filled the position, even though apparently I was going to be their first interview, or if they're cancelling the job altogether, or just putting it off to next week. So I'm disappointed, and pissed, because totalling the parking ticket I got with the first interview, gas milage, and the new suit jacket, applying for this job cost me about $200.

Dammit.

So, whatever, that just made me love music more. I've spent my day trying to book some shows for HITL, Lye, and Disown; working on the site for OD, and updating RAM. Still talking to the one band about pressing their album...so yeah...let's do this.

Song of the Day: Disown - "Far Away From Here" www.disown.cc

It was a busy weekend, but also a productive one.

I needed my answers, and I got them.

I met with Sean the other night; he had sent me a message, wanting to talk as well, so we met up at IHOP Friday evening. There was no bullshit, and no lame excuses. I'm not going to go into the details here, but I truly think that he regrets what happened, and I think it's worth giving him the benefit of the doubt and helping him enable himself to get through this. So I have offered him my forgiveness, because in the end, I know that's what needs to be done.

So I am very much at peace now, and am moving on to some of my other obstacles.

Obstacles are opportunities waiting without wings.

Getting more work done, and trying to get to a better handle on things.

Song of the Day: Jimmie's Chicken Shack - "Dead Sleep" www.jimmieschickenshack.net

So a couple things I forgot to update on:

First of all, my interview went well. Well, sorta, lol. So my interview was at 4pm, so I get into town and find a nice close parking spot on the street. I head up to my meeting, and sit around for about 20 minutes, at which time I'm thinking I had better move my car before they start towing at 4:30. So I head back downstairs. Unfortunately, in this area of DC, street parking ends at 4. *sigh* Fortunately, they didn't actually tow my car, I just ended up with a big fat parking ticket. So I move my car, finally find a parking garage that takes credit card (how can you be a business in the nation's capital and ONLY take cash?) and make it back upstairs for the interview. At which point in time, things are again going well, I have a great meeting, and my interviewer tells me they only send the top 3-5 candidates on to the next round, but that I should feel confident to get a phone call for a second interview next week. So, keep hoping and praying for me!

In other news, I cut my hair. And by "I cut my hair", I really mean I cut my hair. Got out of the shower the other night and decided it was too long and that the black tips needed to come off for now, so off it went. I think I did a pretty decent job with it, too. I'll take a picture or something soon.

Me and Colleen went to Alchemy at Nation again last night, and much fun was had as usual. It's pretty much a weekly thing for us now, which is cool. It's fun to finally be able to wear some of these outfits out now, lol. Last night I wore this gothic red and black dress I had had for awhile, plus those killer boots my old man gave me. Lots of fun. I met one of Colleen's friends, Nikki, who is a lot of fun and very nice. So at least part of my social life is going well, lol.

Off to work...

Song of the Day:
Circle of Dust - "Yurasaka"
www.celldweller.com

Sometimes I miss being alone for the simple reason that I'm able to make my decisions solely on my own, instead of being confused and pulled by the people around me. I've got great friends, and I know everyone is giving me advice out of love and doing what's best for me, but I think over the last few weeks my senses of what I need and what is right got drowned out somehow, and that I need to be stronger and keep a better sense of self.

It seems like the few things that are or would make me happy right now are the things that my friends immediately slap me on the nose with a newspaper for. And I totally understand why. But in a way I'm almost kind of missing the opportunity to just fuck things up on my own. Maybe it's just me needing to feel like I'm in control? Like I know things are going to go bad, but maybe if I'm the one that causes it, I don't feel as down because I can blame myself? There's probably some of that in there (though I don't want to think I'm that self-detrimental), but I think I feel this way mostly because there are some times when I think that going against advice is what I should honestly do, and that this time I won't fuck things up...even if no one else sees the potential but me. Maybe I am right after all, and maybe I should take that risk.

There's a chapter in my all time favorite book, where the lead female character (aka Valdyr) goes into the study of her family fortress, and stares up at the portrait of her grandmother whom she admired. Valdyr knows that she's about to embark on a plan that she knows is what she has to do, but means exiling herself from her family and country. "This path before you is the path to honor, no matter if anyone else in the galaxy ever realizes that," is what she tells herself.

Maybe I need to suck it up and put myself at risk one more time for the small chance that there can be some resolution and/or success. Because I would rather get hurt again than go through the rest of my life wondering what I might have missed out on, or gave up on too soon.

Isn't that what I came here for?

Song of the Day: Concrete - "Stagnating" www.myspace.com/concreteband

Today was actually pretty decent. First of all, my old man called me after reading this, and that made me so happy. It was really great; he was so encouraging, reminding me of how far I'd come, how proud he was of me, that I just needed to dust this off my shoulder and move on. It really made me feel better, so thank you. *hugs!*

Last night was a good dose of encouragement as well. Mike came over, and we had a brief conversation, but basically reminded me of the support structure me and him had built together, and it's nice to know that no matter how far away he might be, that he's only really as far as my phone.

That goes for most of my friends. You know, I may have lousy boyfriends, but I have kick ass friends.

I talked to Camille for awhile too, and that was awesome. She may come up and visit in a few weeks when she's on spring break, so that'd be great. We'll party hard, just like old times!

After I got home today, I talked to law firm and have my interview tomorrow! So wish me luck!

Then I did something for about two hours that I really had wanted to do again: sing. I downloaded the new version of Audacity awhile ago (a free recording program) and it kicks ass! So I did a demo version of just the chorus of a song that had kind of blossomed out of the events of this week. Maybe in my free time I can actually get back to doing that again. That would be fun.

"And I bleed, and I bleed
Trusting you is resuscitating a dying rose
And I bleed, and I bleed
If I was your Proverbs 31, could you have done this to me?"

Song of the Day: Concrete - "Entitlement" www.myspace.com/concreteband

"I think your part in this world isn't to be sitting in some fucking booth pushing a button, make your music Laura."

I love you, Chris. :-)

I basically had an all-out panic attack around 3am this morning. I decided the best way to deal with the emotional crap was to take charge and start working on the physicalities of life again. Dammit, wow, I sat down to do my finances and I am NOT in a good place. Granted, I have quite a bit saved, but I won't be able to survive at the pace I'm going now. So, what to do, what to do...I freaked out at first, but gradually gained peace of mind and have started figuring things out.

Unfortunately, I have to quit the video company. While the potential to make a mad amount of money is there (and both the company and the people are cool) I just can't live on a "maybe in 3 months you'll have something" kind of mentality. Nothing wrong with the idea of commission in general, it's just not what I can do right now. So...looking for something more concrete, but at the same time will still allow me to do what I came here for. I actually found an ad for an A/V tech for a law firm in DC that pays madly well, so I applied for that and already heard back from them, asking me to give them a call. So, hey, if that works out, then well I'll do my 9-5, and keep my business going. If not, well, still looking for more theatre and odd jobs to do along the way. But somehow I'll make this.

Something broke in me this weekend, finally, and it hurts a lot, but I think it was something that needed to break. It's over now. I'm done trying to find this elusive lost love of my life that doesn't really exist. It's time I made myself happy instead of looking for it from someone else.

Song of the Day: Fluffy Starr - "Dark Darker Darkest" www.fluffystarr.com

I thought that I'd be sparked into some anger eventually, but as I was sitting in the booth tonight doing the final cue section of the show, I knew I had to be alone, because I was about to break. So I went over to KP's for awhile on my own...not because really I wanted to be on my own, but because I wanted something new. I actually met a really nice lady who I chatted to while we watch the Olympics, and somehow it made me realize that there still is another day.

I spent most of the day with one of my friends, who is also in a major struggle. Trying to be supportive while she figured out what her options are...trying to figure out if she should tell her ex...sitting with her in the bathroom while she took the pregnancy test. How did life ever become so damn complicated?

I wrote this a couple of months ago already, but it seems like life never has any good options anymore...all we're left with is chosing the lesser of two evils. In the end, we still lose no matter what.

Do you ever really wonder why we look to the sky? Search in vain, asking why? All alone...where is God? Looking down...we don't know...

As much as I'm trying to shake this off, I know that this is going to stick with me for far too long, just like everything else does. I dwell on things so much...trying to figure out why, trying to understand something that can't be explained. This had so much more global implications than I think even my friends realize.

Dammit, Sean, I just want to know why.

Song of the Day: Korn - "Hollow Life" www.korn.com

Corrie pointed out the other day that I have suddenly lost a rather large portion of weight. And sure enough, I realize that most of my clothes are too big, and I've gone down a belt size over the last few weeks. I attribute it to Laura's fool-proof health plan of overwork, stress, and eating two packs of Ramen a day. Gah. I need to reorganize my food/alcohol money. Not that I mind losing the weight, but I think this may soon get to be unhealthy.

It also occurred to me that I completely forgot to mention last week how awesome Mike T. is. He came over Monday evening and brought both me and Corrie a dozen roses each, complete with very appropriate anti-V-day cards. It was awesome. Thank you Mike, for the one good memory I have of a boy this week, lmao. :-)

In other news, thank you to everyone for the messages of encouragement, and the usual offers of ass-kicking. As far as I can tell, once word got back to his friends about what had happened, no one has seen or heard from him since Friday afternoon. So I'm imagining he's possibly left town for awhile? Or, uh, maybe someone did take care of things for me and hasn't told me yet? Yech... I guess he's probably just terrified both of the wrath of his friends, AND the possibility I'd be pressing charges. Meh. Still so disappointed though. I hate this...the whole looking back to the last few days and wondering if all that time he was planning this. Wondering what of those wonderful conversations was even true, or if he had just done his research and was telling me what I wanted to hear. Gah...betrayal, betrayal, betrayal...

See?? This is why I hate holidays of any sort. Whenever I think of V-day I remember loosing one ex to the theatre department whore, and now loosing the man I loved back home, and also getting involved with a sexual preditor. Dammit. Wonder why I don't tell anyone when my birthday is, either? The memories are just as bad...getting dumped on my birthday back in highschool...having the flu...watching a man die in a car accident a few days later... I try to think of the good memories too, like Jacob recording Running Awake for me, me and Jeremiah going out with Cathy to a nice Italian dinner, getting my bat'leth, or giant sqoooshes...and I do appreciate those memories, but it seems like all the good is always constantly overrun by the bad.

Anyways, off to work for our two show day...

(Listening to a lot of Korn lately. I haven't hit my anger stage yet, but it's coming...)

Song of the Day: Korn - "Hollow Life" www.korn.com

Maybe I'm insane
Walking on a wire
Maybe I'm the same
Nothing to take me higher
Tell me where to start
Think I'm at the end
Right now feeling pain
Make it go away

Maybe I'm to blame
Maybe I'm a liar
Maybe we're the same
Nothing can start the fire
I can't feel my heart
But I feel the shame
Nothing left to say
Soon I'll fade away

These places all I ever think about is lost in time
These faces haunting me
I'm looking back and they are mine

I'm hiding from the things they say
Doing time and lead astray
Thinking back to times of yesterday
I could fly

I'm trying to find a better way
But I'm trapped
Can't get away
All I think is about yesterday
I could fly

Maybe I'm insane
Walking on a wire
Maybe I'm the same
Nothing to take me higher
I can't feel my heart
But I feel the shame
Nothing left to say
Soon I'll fade away

These places all I ever think about is lost in time
These faces haunting me
I'm looking back and they are mine

I'm hiding from the things they say
Doing time and lead astray
Thinking back to times of yesterday
I could fly

I'm trying to find a better way
But I'm trapped
Can't get away
All I think is about yesterday
I could fly

Song of the Day: Korn - "I'm Hiding..." www.korn.com

There are two main reasons I sleep with a knife under my bed. 1) In case anyone breaks in, and 2) in case some dumbass tries to take advantage of me.

So we were all horribly deceived. I'm still sitting here shaking my head and wondering how this could have happened. For those of you who know me well, you know I went through a similiar situation in high school, and it's the same reaction - pure shock, disappointment, and my complete wonder of how he could have so little respect for me.

He seemed perfect. Things had gone so well...

But yes, I'm ok. I know I'm worth more than this.

Song of the Day: Celldweller - "Own Little World" www.celldweller.com

Stolen from Corrie, who stole it from someone else:

TEN random things about me:
10. I think I have some electro-magnetic pulse in me that destroys Mac computers
9. My toes are double jointed.
8. I used to be a competitive swimmer for 10 years.
7. I also was a girl scout for 10 years...gold award...whole deal.
6. I own a lot of sqoosh pillows.
5. I want to retire to Key West.
4. I'm only happy if I get 12 hours of sleep every night, lol.
3. I have a fascination with lighting gel.
2. I was a religious studies minor in college.
1. My stuffed cats scare my roommate.

NINE ways to win my heart:
9. Make me laugh.
8. Throw down on my behalf.
7. Be willing to choose what is right over what is easy.
6. Love me enough to let me go.
5. Be confident.
4. Snuggle with me.
3. Don't be afraid to be cute in public. (Sorry Corrie, lol)
2. Constantly work towards a better future in whatever you do.
1. Fall asleep next to me.

EIGHT things I wanna do before I die:
8. Finish my script.
7. Write my autobiography
6. Get married to someone wonderful.
5. Become famous.
4. Move to LA and/or Key West
3. Release an album
2. Travel more.
1. Eat some really good meals.

SEVEN things that annoy me:
7. People who drive under the speed limit in no passing zones
6. People who drive under the speed limit and stradle the white line
5. People who drive under the speed limit in the fast lane
4. People who drive under the speed limit
3. The TV next door
2. Internet drama
1. Real life drama

SIX things I wish for:
6. A good man
5. A comfortable living
4. A good Indian restaurant
3. more sqooshes.
2. A kitty!
1. hugs.

FIVE things I am afraid of:
5. Speeding tickets
4. Hell
3. Me 10 years ago
2. Losing my mind
1. Apathy

FOUR of my favorite items in my room
4. My body sqoosh.
3. Me!
2. All the flowers I got for V-day
1. the gothic lights I got at the Y that I need to rewire

THREE things i do everyday:
3. Work
2. Drive
1. Sleep

TWO things I want to do right now:
2. Go back to sleep
1. Cuddle with someone

ONE person I want to see right now:
1. Sean

Song of the Day: VNV Nation - "Chrome" www.vnvnation.com

Yesterday went from being a so-so day to an extraordinary night. Me and Corrie got all glamed out and headed out to KP's. We had talked to some of our buds and let them know we'd be there, so we ended up with quite a crowd, and much fun was had by all.

*giggles* Ok, the real story.

Remember when I mentioned I met one of Corrie's friends last week, the dude that could make me laugh? Well, he came out last night too. Before he had seemed pretty nice and all that, but hadn't really made a huge impression at the time. But wow, how things do change...

First of all, he showed up and pulled a rose out of his sleeve for me (cute!) and so we sat down and started talking. First about geeky sci-fi shows, then about my knife collection, etc. The night wears on and me and this guy have so much in common! We get into more deeper conversations, first about his son, then about religious beliefs, past experiences, etc., and it's insane how much alike we are. By this time 2 hours have flown by, and he's got that puppy-dog-"I can't believe this is real" look in his eyes. And suddenly he just says, "You know what I'd really like to do right now? Hold you. Just hold you." So I think that's cute and give him a hug. And he holds on...gently...and talks about how he loves cuddling at which point I think "Oh really, that's very good to know." After a moment he leans down...and well, yeah. *grins* He then mentions that he also loves to give backrubs, at which point I'm completely sold.

So I'm back to having high hopes, and we'll see how it goes. He (his name is Sean by the way) and our friend Jimmy are taking one of their friends out in DC for his birthday on Saturday, so I'm going to meet them after work. And I guess I'll see...

Today was a good day at work. May have made my first "sale", so that's cool. Getting ready to head out here in a bit to get to the theatre...so...for the most part, feeling pretty good.

Song of the Day: Celldweller - "Stay With Me (Unlikely)" www.celldweller.com

Today has been interesting, lots of ups and downs. Woke up and found that one of my RAM bands signed to Alfa Matrix, so that was awesome. I then drove to work and had a truck kick up a large rock that dented my windshield, which was not so awesome. Work was ok...continuing some conversations with potential clients, so maybe I'll make some money soon?

In regards to what I mentioned yesterday, there is now no doubt in my mind that things between me and my old man are over. I don't really know what happened. When I left we kept in touch constantly, but over the last few weeks I realized that I was the only one making the effort. So I tried a little test and stopped.

And I guess that was about it. We talked a little over a week ago, and I told him I was upset that he wasn't staying in contact, he said he'd do better, etc. Nothing changed.

Today is V-day. Did I get flowers? No. A card? No. A phone call? No. An email? No. Even an IM message? Nope. Abso-fucking-lutely nothing. There is no way this guy cares about me at all...and so now I wonder if he ever did to begin with, or if I've just been had yet again.

Instead of letting V-day become the tragedy it usually is, me and Corrie are going out with some friends tonight to the pub. Because we decided we have much more fun together than with silly boys anyway. ;-)

This last week or so has just been stressful. Not really sure why, other than I've completely changed my life and environment, lol. I guess it's the same old story...I ditched a lot of old problems and frustrations, but gained some new ones, too.

My biggest source of angst right now is that I'm a little annoyed with myself in regards to RAM. To make a long story short, I guess I pretty much panicked lately over my finances so I jumped into two jobs in order to keep myself floating. Nothing wrong with that, except that it puts me right back into the position I was back home and was unable to take the business farther because I was too busy with my "real" jobs.

I have to do my LLC forms. And I have to open my online store. THIS WEEK, DAMMIT.

But, to put it in perspective, the jobs I have now are good. Theatre is good, despite the little snow bullshit this weekend. And right there I'm making the same amount of money I was at the college. And work with the video production company is coming along - still haven't gotten a client yet, but we'll see. I'm gonna give it a month or so to see if it pays off. No case to worry yet, really.

I try to keep my mind on the things that ARE good. My condo rocks. My roommate rocks. Driving over the bridge into DC is a self-esteem boost everyday. When I see the Washington monument it reminds me that I AM here, I DID make it this far, and that this IS the land of opportunity. I just need to jump on it a little harder.

I have a feeling tomorrow is gonna be a day of finality in an aspect that shouldn't be too hard to figure out. It's probably better this way, in the long run, but it's still hard when at the end of it all I always end up doubting everything that was there to begin with.

Can you get more cryptic? Yep. But I'll be more plain tomorrow I'm sure.

In other news, me and Corrie are taking V-day into our own hands tomorrow. We're getting completely "prom"-ed out, and going to the pub. Alllllllllriiiiiiiiiiiight.

Song of the Day: Plumb - "Motion" www.myspace.com/plumb

Irritated.

So as you may know, we got about 8-10 inches of snow dumped on us over the last 24 hours. Who still had to go to work? *raises hand* Gah.

Problem was, yesterday, that the heavy snow didn't hit DC until around 6pm or so, and our call is 6:30. So we get in, do the show, and leave a bit before 10 as usual. By that point it's pouring down, and driving is anal. The interstate wasn't too bad, but 28 was miserable. Made it home ok, but we're all thinking there's no way in hell they're doing the matinee tomorrow morning.

Wrong. Got a call at 9:30 saying it's still on. So I walk out to my car, examine the foot and a half snow drift behind it, a combination of futile attempts to plow the parking lot and the wind...then look at the parking lot with several inches of ice and slush on it, then walk over to the main road and see that it's not any different from the parking lot, and call the SM back and say there's no way in hell I'm getting out. At that point she had already called the PM and told him that neither me or the sound op were going to be able to make it. So I have no idea if they're doing it now or not, but now I have to figure out someway to get my car out before tonight's show as well.

I mean, what the hell? No one else is doing anything today. And frankly, I don't get paid enough to drive 2 hours in the snow both ways to push buttons. Meh.

The good news of the weekend is Jeremiah came to visit, yay! So we've had lots of fun. Did a new photo shoot too before work yesterday, so that was cool. :-) Have one new pic on my myspace profile, but I'll post more soon.

Anyways, I'm gonna sleep a bit more before I go shovel the rest of my afternoon away...

I don't know what the hell they're doing with blogger lately, but it's getting really old to not be able to publish half the time.

Anyways. Been a kind of irritating last few days on so many levels. First of which could be directly related to the fact that V-day is coming up. Bah.

Didn't have much luck today at work either, which was disappointing. Starting to have doubts already about this.

Tonight should be fun though. Me and Colleen (stage manager) are going to Alchemy after the show. Good times.

I need a vacation, and it's on February.

Song of the Day: Plumb - "Good Behavior" www.plumbinfo.com

Gah.

I want a job where I can get paid to drink beer and not deal with people ever again.

"Here we are
You and I
Never thought that we could break
Fall apart
Fade away
Is this what I think it is?

I hate to lose you
Say goodbye
You ran away
Crawl back inside
We used to be
So falling free
We used to think so much alike

You slam the door
Walk away
Our conversations turn to screams
What happened to
You and me
And the way things used to be?

I hate to lose you
Say goodbye
You ran away
Crawl back inside
We used to be
So falling free
We used to think so much alike

It's not the same
You're not the same
I used to dance within the rain
I don't want to
Believe it
You're near me
I can feel you

I hate to lose you
Say goodbye
You ran away
Crawl back inside
We used to be
So falling free
We used to think so much alike

It's not the same
You're not the same
I used to dance within the rain

It's not the same
I'm not the same
You used to dance within rain..."
- Otto's Daughter, "Losing You"

Today was very interesting in a lot of respects. I started working with Corrie's company today, and that seemed to go well. I'm a little nervous about jumping into this, but if I do a good job...well...I won't need another job.

It was nice to actually be home in the evening for once. I spent most of the afternoon working on a new site design. I'm really happy with it, one of the best interfaces I've done, so hopefully it will go over well. :-D

Now, for Em & Lo:
Sagittarius (Nov. 23rd-Dec. 21st)
Easy come, easy go. Who knows what the hell is going on with your love life — the revolving door to your bedroom is spinning so fast, everything's a blur. You might want to consider changing your behavior. Or at least changing your sheets.

Hahahaha...and how. So to update on the boy I met the other night, I did a little research via the friends listing on myspace, and sure enough I found him. Along with a pic of him and his kid. *sigh* I really don't have any problems with dads being good dads...but seriously...am I ever going to meet anyone with no strings attatched?

So Em & Lo are slacking on their horoscopes for this week. So instead, I bring you these very important instructions, courtesy of doctor_hu.

What To Do If You Have Accidentally Joined The Death Eaters And Now Regret It

1. Make sure your feelings of regret are genuine. You may just have had a difficult day at work. Perhaps the muggles you were terrorizing were more spirited than usual, or Voldemort decided to torture you for no apparent reason. When things like these happen it is easy to think that a change of career will solve all your problems. Examine your feelings closely: if you feel that – despite its vexations – deep down you really love your job, then put your doubts aside and get back to work (you insidious fiend, you).

2. If you are certain that you really want to leave the death eaters, DO NOT inform Voldemort of your decision. He is unlikely to present you with a gold watch and wish you luck in your future employment.

3. Sound out Dumbledore & Co. You may have to become a spy in order to convince them you’ve genuinely changed. Be prepared to grovel for 3-5 years in order to atone for your crimes.

4. Verbally abuse yourself at every opportunity. Make sure that no one is left in doubt about your guilt about being a death eater. With practice, even the most mundane conversation can be peppered with remorse and self-disgust. For example, “Would you like a cup of tea?” can be met with the response: “Alas! I (wretch that I am!) would greatly enjoy a cup of tea (not that I deserve it!) with milk and two sugars (and may I be cursed for it!)”

5. Save up the money to have your dark mark removed by a competent medical professional. DO NOT get drunk and attempt to cut it from your arm in an orgy of guilt and self-loathing – this is silly, clichéd, and extremely messy.

6. Prepare yourself for the fact that for the rest of your life, whenever you get into an argument with someone they will inevitably utter the “scathing” retort: “Well at least I wasn’t a DEATH EATER!” It may be helpful for you to know that if you use someone’s death eating past against them in an argument, it automatically means that the argument is over, and your opponent has won (this principle is known as Sev’s Law).

7. Once you have been admitted into the side of light, refrain from blowing it all by doing something stupid (like killing Dumbledore, for example).

Song of the Day: Plumb - "Better" www.plumbinfo.com

Last night was pretty decent - the show went well for the most part, and we actually got done a little early. So I met up with Corrie at KP's since Wherehouse was playing, and we hung out for a bit. Met one of her friends who seems to really like me, lol. This dude was hysterical - he does the absolute best Dr. Evil impression ever...it's scary how much he looks like Mike Myers. Anyways, we had a lot of fun, dancing and laughing. Good times.

Spent most of this morning fixing the ftp stuff for Fluffy's blog, since all that had gone to hell. Finally figured out what the problems were, so at least I feel like I'm learning, haha.

Anyways, I need to get ready for tonight - it's Press night for the show. Whee.

After these last few great days, I should have known all of it couldn't last.

The show was ok last night; I had a huge scare though. After we got through the opening scene I looked up and noticed that one of the side boom lights was HORRIBLY knocked out of focus. I was like, "WTF, I checked all of those!" I'm sitting there thinking the lighting designer is going to kill me! (It was VIP night btw - all of the people that give large sums of money to the theatre) Fortunately, he had seen something I didn't - apparently one of the actors ran into it in that first scene, so he knew it was them that knocked it out, and not be being lazy. So, that was good.

Afterwards I headed over to Corrie's friend's photography show at the Lemur Lounge in Alexandria. "Photography show" is a little misleading - he had taken a booth and put up his art, but the majority of the place was still a Friday night dance club with 5 million people and only two bartenders. So enough of that - me, Corrie, and some of her friends head up the street and find a different bar, much more suitable to our liking, so we chill for the rest of the evening.

The drive home is where things get fun again. NoVA is so confusing! We manage to get on 495, but we went the longer way around, and by this time and a few beers into the night I really have to use the bathroom! So I take my exit to 66 and floor it...I make it all the way down the interstate with no problem, then turn off onto 28 for the last leg of the ride home. I'm still rolling pretty well, and there's no traffic, so I think all is good. NOPE! I see the cop sitting on the curb but can't break in time.

78 in a 55. Dammit.

Fortunately he reduces the speed so I don't get hit for reckless, but he sure as hell took long enough to write out the ticket - all while I'm contemplating using the empty Wendy's cup still in my car from lunch earlier this week.

So I finally make it home before my bladder explodes, ticket in hand, with a court date in March.

I check my email and find that Lance has apparently moved servers AGAIN, so both mine and Fluffy's sites are down. So we're in the middle of getting that fixed, but it seems like some of her info got lost along the way. Lance mentioned if we had updated anything after he made the back-up, that that might have happened, but it's random stuff that's gone. Like the index page (which we haven't touched in months), some of her photos, and all of her blog entries after November 21st. On the other hand, the news page, updated on the 26th of January, is still there. So I guess it got corrupted or something, but I suppose it could have been a lot worse. Still waiting to see what happens with my site.

To make these last 24 hours complete, my phone is dying. It works, but it no longer rings. So if you're trying to get in touch with me, just leave a message and I'll call you back.

Song of the Day: Concrete - "Stagnating" www.myspace.com/concreteband

Another good day. I got my very first paycheck here in my new life...and I would like to say that it was a very nice chunk of change, too. Rock on! And, to top that, they've asked me back for the next show. So it looks like I have a steady job. *dances*

Socially, things are taking a turn up again. Me and Corrie are going to one of her friends' photography shows tomorrow night, then doing our usual KP's thing on Saturday. And me and the stage manager have made plans to hit Alchemy next week as well. So...welcome to my new life!

Song of the Day: Amphibious Assault - "District 6" www.aasault.com

Oi, I need to get to sleep earlier. So this will be quick.

Good day for the most part, though my fingers seemed to just fail at programming today. No worries though...everyone has those days. I did, though, have a good convo at dinner tonight with the stage manager. Seems she likes a lot of the music I'm into, so we've decided to go to Alchemy one night soon. So, rock on for making new friends!

I got home and found a great email...I got a sponsership from my favorite button company for RAM! So I'm totally stoked about that. I also saw that one of my buds in the industry who works for a review/radio site listed me as one of his VIPs for the month, so that was really sweet. He's pimping the comp album, which I really appreciate. At that point, since I decided that this night is just getting better and better, I went ahead a wrote an email to a band I had been playing on contacting about my new album financing project. I know I mentioned earlier that one of the RAM bands had asked me about it already, but this band just happened to mention they were having funding problems...and they would just be a great start. If I told you the name it wouldn't mean anything to you probably...but if I told you the band that two of the USED to be in, your jaw would drop. Yeah. So cross your fingers and see if I explode! In a good way, I mean.

Song of the Day: Nine Inch Nails - "Beside You In Time" www.nin.com

Ahh! Crazy!

Things definately blew up online today. I woke up and checked RAM, where I saw (to my dismay) that about 50 bogus accounts had been made to vote. So I again posted the rules, went to work, and hoped that might calm things down.

When I got home, I found that I had about 300 new users over the course of 8 hours. Yeah. So guess who's going to be spending all next week verifying 700 usernames? Gah.

I love doing the music awards mainly because it really draws attention to the site...get's people talking and new interest in what we're doing, and because it's a nice thing I can do to give the bands who win a little extra something to put in their press kit. So it kills me when things like this get blown out of the water by cheating. I really really want my business to be a legit, on the table, honest company (unlike most of the rest of the entertainment industry) but I'm wondering now if I'm living in a dream?

I remember a few years ago how sad I was when D1 made the decision to shut down the BOTB's. I understand now why. What good is an award if no one is ever really sure if it meant anything?

I need to find a better system for voting next year, that's for sure.

Anyways. Work was ok today. The fun part was trying to get home. I've decided that I need to pay more attention to politics, not for my own interest, but just to be at work on time. After having to deal with half of DC being shut down due to an abortion protest, and then the events of tonight, I need to plan my driving a bit better, lol.

So I leave the parking garage and notice that traffic is stopped down at the intersection of Constitution street and there are two cop cars, so I figure there's an accident and turn down to go to the next street. Then I notice that traffic is backed up on that street, and the one after, so now I'm thinking that there must be some huge accident. Since I don't really know an alternate way out of DC other than 66, I decide to sit it out. That's about the time that 6 cop cars come flying down the road. Then more. And I see even more coming up and down Consitution and Indiana from both directions. There are police everywhere, and traffic isn't moving in ANY direction. About that time I notice my fifth or sixth helicopter flying over, and then I really start to worry. I guess in the back of my head I always considered that living in the nation's capitol meant I might eventually have to deal with something, like, I dunno, terrorism?? So I call a few friends and finally get in touch with Jacob, to see if he'll turn on the TV and tell me what's happening up here, lol. He's like, "Uh, well, there's the State of the Union tonight." DUH! About that time I see what I assume was actually the president's entourage fly by with about 30 cop cars and several black SUVs. After that traffic resumes. Welcome to Washington DC.

Song of the Day: Fluffy Starr - "NV" www.fluffystarr.com