I thought that I'd be sparked into some anger eventually, but as I was sitting in the booth tonight doing the final cue section of the show, I knew I had to be alone, because I was about to break. So I went over to KP's for awhile on my own...not because really I wanted to be on my own, but because I wanted something new. I actually met a really nice lady who I chatted to while we watch the Olympics, and somehow it made me realize that there still is another day.

I spent most of the day with one of my friends, who is also in a major struggle. Trying to be supportive while she figured out what her options are...trying to figure out if she should tell her ex...sitting with her in the bathroom while she took the pregnancy test. How did life ever become so damn complicated?

I wrote this a couple of months ago already, but it seems like life never has any good options anymore...all we're left with is chosing the lesser of two evils. In the end, we still lose no matter what.

Do you ever really wonder why we look to the sky? Search in vain, asking why? All alone...where is God? Looking down...we don't know...

As much as I'm trying to shake this off, I know that this is going to stick with me for far too long, just like everything else does. I dwell on things so much...trying to figure out why, trying to understand something that can't be explained. This had so much more global implications than I think even my friends realize.

Dammit, Sean, I just want to know why.

Song of the Day: Korn - "Hollow Life" www.korn.com