* D1Lou loves val back and i've missed you.

I missed you guys too...It's just hard this time around.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!!

Yup, that's right, today is the one year anniversary of when I started my blog. Me and Heather just celebrated by going through and reading the archives. And you know what? Overall, things really weren't so bad this year. You know why? Because unlike some other people, even though my world comes crashing down around me, I can still smile. I won't let other people decide how I feel about myself.

More importantly, while I was outside thinking about all of the past events of this year, and talking to God about it, I realized there was one thing I never really lost:

Hope.

I don't know where I'm going with all of these changes, or what God is gonna put in my life to replace what I've lost, but in time, all of this will have meaning. I just have to wait for it.

Song of the day: Alanis - "Bent For You"

You're unsure and you're not ready so that must mean I want you
You're unavailable and disinterested and to you I look for comfort
A milllion times in a million ways I will try to change you
A million months and a million days I'll try to convince you

I have waited for you and adjusted for you and I'm done
I have deferred to you and enabled you and I'm done

You're too young or you're too old or you're simply not inclined
You're asleep or you're withholding be that my cue to crave you

Several times in several ways I'll try to squeeze love from you
Several hours and several ways I'll feast on scraps thrown from you

I have bent for you and I've deprived for you and I'm done
I have depressed for you and contorted for you and I'm done
I have stifled for you and I've compromised for you and I'm done
I have silenced for you and sacrificed for you and I'm done

It won't be long before I am reclaimed
It won't take long and I'll be on path again
It won't be easy for us to disengage
I'm at the end of self deprivation stage

You're afraid of every woman afraid of your inner workings
You cringe at the thought of living under the same roof as me god and everything

A million times and a million ways I've tried to alter to match you
Several times every several days I've tried to uncrush on you

I have waited for you and adjusted for you and I'm done
I have deferred to you and enabled you and I'm done
I have bent for you and I've deprived for you and I'm done
I have depressed for you and I've contorted for you and I'm done

- Alanis "Bent For You"

You know life is getting tough when you and one of your friends have the same Korn song quoted in your away messages.

---

I'm now the proud owner of an Alpha Psi Omega 'toothpick holder'.

Song of the day: Jimmie's Chicken Shack - "This Is Not Hell"

Song of the Day - Vanity Beach - "The Knight Murders" (vote for them at D1, and while you're there, vote for Deficit too!)

Ok, here's the updated lyrics to "Purgatory", while you're waiting for the updated version of it. :-D

On the floor
Too scared to let go
But not strong enough to keep hold
I know that this is killing me
But the price for saving myself
Is it worth your demise?
(in nomine patris et filiis et spiritus sancti amen)
Trying to find where selfishness and self-respect divide
(Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I hurt myself again.)

There's a temporary heaven
If I want it
But next week it will be gone
So 7 days of satisfaction
For 7 days of sin
It would be so much easier
If you could just understand

I know you love me
(I know you love me)
And I hope you know I tried
(I hope you know I tried)
But if you can't see the knife you're twisting in me
How could you ever expect this to end?
I never left you
You left me
Every time you chose her
(Excuses so convenient)
You broke me
(You broke me)

Here's a toast to vulnerability
Cheers for abused trust
You could say love is all-consuming
And it just consumed me
The fire that consumes me

(You�ve got your own blessed sense of hubris. I will never understand some people�s capacity to not empathize with pain.)

So I listened to the song again, and I think the vox is still off, so I'm gonna rerecord this weekend. :-P But you can still listen to it anyways.

(Sorry, it took me awhile to finish counting.)
Anyways, me and Dana have done it again. That's right, we've shamed the music world and put out another song. But seriously, I like it. It's called Purgatory, and you can download it off our site at http://www.angelfire.com/music5/lastlaugh/index.html

I'm counting how many people I know who are better than you.

Song of the day: Alanis - "Sympathetic Character"

So me and Dana came up with some fabulous music for "Purgatory". We should be done recording it this weekend.

Song of the day: Madonna - "American Life"

In regards to doing a remix of "107":

MegaKungFuNinja: i'll just keep the unmixed tracks on a CD and if i finish it before u guys swing around then we can just do a remix of the remix, and then ill send puff daddy a copy and he can do a remix too, but in it he'll use samples from the Orgy version, thus making it the same as whats on Vapor Transmission, except he'll be inthe background going "yeah yeah, cant stop now"
MegaKungFuNinja: theres a time and a place we hide behind, an alternate face (yeah yeah, cant stop now), when the freak needs a nurse you comply, with the folks in mind (bad boy for life), there a time and a place we hide behind, an alternate face (BIG for life yall) we're the people who fuck with your mind when you sleeeep at niiiiiiiight (bad boy, yeh yeh, remix, cant stop now, p diddy and orgy, remix, remix, yeh yeh)
MegaKungFuNinja: just imagine the music video
Zeta Vande: jay gordon with bling bling

Been keeping company with apathy lately
Forsaken all of my friends
Personal vulnerability simply isn't worth it
Besides, what are you putting up?

I don't mean to be so suspicious
But you see I've been hanging out with bitterness
And I just changed the deadbolts and the locks
Your pounding on the door keeps me up all night

I just had dinner with resentment
And I met vengeance for a night cap
I'll be sleeping with blame tonight
Don't plan on me remembering to call you tomorrow

Been keeping company with apathy
Been keeping company with apathy lately and I don't care
I don't care
I don't care this time

- The Last Laugh, "Deadbolt"

Song of the day: Alanis - "Front Row"

"I know he's blood, but you can still turn him away; you don't owe him anything."

Corrie's my hero of the day!

You Know You're A Techie When:

*A leatherman is an essential part of your wardrobe.
*You feel naked without a wrench tied to your belt.
*Your wardrobe is black, black, and more black.
*You use tieline as a hair accessory.
*You wear the same pants every day for a month because it's too much trouble to take all of the tools out of them.
*You have more keys than the janitors.
*Who doesn't carry a mini-maglite??
*You know just how dirty headset chatter can be.
*Gaffe tape.
*You find yourself watching for light cues and forget theres a play going on.
*You recognize gobos.
*You refer to colors by their gel number.
*You critique lighting at concerts and big events.
*You love pink noise.
*Actors are just distracting people from your beautiful set.
*You can hang, run, call, and strike a show drunk.
*The grid doesn't phase you.
*Power tools turn you on.
- Corrie's blog

So...I see that I'm not the only one who has a problem of your changing faces depending on who is around. You love her? Yeah...
"You can say that love is not divine..." Well, that's ultimately the problem. Love IS divine, and if you don't know God, you don't know love. And yes, I can say that, because I've been on the other side and I know how my feelings changed. You did not love me, you do not love her, you do not love at all. And that is why you are miserable and taking it out on the rest of us, because you want us to feel just as bad as you do, only you don't know why...

Song of the day: Celldweller - "Welcome to the End"

Welcome home
She said to me
Let's hide away before they see
I need so much to be alone with you
I do
Come with me
She took my hand
Please try to help me understand
So pointless when my heart has turned to stone
I know, I know...
I wish I didn't need you now
And I wish I didn't need you now
And I wish I didn't need you now
I need you now
I need you now
I wish we could
She whispered near
Go someplace far away from here
While hoping that small voice would
Disappear that said
Welcome to the end...

It pays to pay attention to details...being that I woke up early to help with scholarship auditions, and they're next week...

Song of the day: Celldweller - "Frozen"

Dana: I look like Cousin It with a hair cut.

I feel a lot better. Fucker. I wish I could learn to hate you, but unfortunately I'm one of those people that actually gives a shit. I would give anything to own apathy at this point, the way you do.

It's all going down today. If I'm this upset still, and couldn't even sleep, you know it's gonna be ugly. Noon, PAB lounge, tickets are free.

Ok, so to top everything off, you had to go and fuck with one of my friends. You can mess with me as much as you want and I'll deal, but the moment you make someone I love cry is the moment you go too far. THIS I will not tolerate.

Oh yeah. I meant to start doing a "song of the day" so that my blog could be more posh. Or something. Anyway, song of the day: Celldweller - "Unlikely"

Things would be a lot easier on all of us if you would just pick a personality and stick with it.

I swear to God...you sat there and told me that I changed you...well, where is the real you then? The friend that gives me backrubs and who I share my lunch with, or the ice that meets me when your concubine is in the room? Oh, and I guarantee you are paying for her...

"Simply two-faced...you couldn't let go; your talking got you here. Tearing up everyone, respect: you don't know. Don't waste your fucking time. Let live, let go..."
- Orgy, 'Dissention'

In any case, moving on with my life, I'm going out with Ryan tonight after I finish studying. Maybe we can have just as much fun as we did last week. ;-D

I am so outta here.

Today might have been the turning point. I appreciate the conversation we had...maybe I don't trust myself as much as I should...I convinced everyone else I knew what would happen, but I never quite believed it...until now. I'm not stupid...of course this will end exactly as I said. We all dig our own graves, only some do it quicker than others. So it may be awhile yet before I put that cross on my neck again, but tonight I will sleep VERY well.

Note: Anger is not a sin. You just have to decide what you do with it.

Nad0725: i think by the end of the night i'm gonna have two death threats and a gift subscription to the cheese of the month club

Zeta Vande: you're on crack
Nad0725: that might explain some things
Nad0725: but no i'm not
Zeta Vande: I would stop reading your blog, but then I'd be bored
Nad0725: it's like stream of consciousness, between three people

OK, so here's the story you all have been waiting for:
(Note to self: It's actually rather fun to be one of the only sober people at a party)
Ok, so me, Ryan, this dude, and this chick (from now on refered to as H57) are all standing around talking. Well, the chick sometime tells Ryan to switch places with her, because this dude is hitting on her. A little while later, me and Ryan go off to have a private chat, and we notice that this dude is hitting on H57 all out, and so we're laughing trying to figure out how to hook them up. So I'm like, ok, let's go over and make out in front of them and see if they get the idea. So we do...and what do you know? Within two minutes they're kissing, and we burst out laughing. (In the meantime, I also over hear H57 talking about how Ryan is really gay.) H57 hears us laughing, and so they go inside for a bit. I go inside to check up on a friend, and when I come out, Ryan and H57 are talking, and Ryan says, "By the way, I'm not gay." She gets this horrified look on her face, but she quickly 'covers' and gets him to prove it by kissing. In any case, we get roped into driving her home along with some other drunk people, so while I'm driving some people home, Ryan has to drive her home. So yeah, she's all like "You can park here." And he's like, "Can't I just drop you off?" She says, "Well, don't you want to come in with me?" Ryan: "Um, no." Later on, me and Ryan wake up my roomie at 2am. Fun times. We've decided that for the rest of the year we're gonna go to parties and mess with people like that.
As a side note, I also told Ryan the story of the girl from my high school who got caught masturbating in class. So he comes into Stage Management class today, sits down, shoves his hand in his pocket, and gets a stupid grin on his face. I about died. Why can't everyone in the theatre department be so light-humored?
In any case, I got the second part of Fluffy Starr's site up online...oh wait...did I post this here? I didn't! Dude, she CALLED me last week!!! Can you believe it? My cell phone rings in shop the other day, and I just miss it, and I'm like, dude, who has a 604 area code? Sure enough, it's Canada...she emailed me later...she said she'll call later on. :-) This is just as good as getting Lou or Jay to call (which hopefully, one day, they might).

Sample question from my CS class exam:
Which is not an operating system?
a) OS 2
b) Windows 98
c) Linux
d) CPU

Ok, soon I'll sit down and tell you guys all about my night last night with Ryan...it was sooooooo funny. We have to mess with people like that again some more before you graduate and run off to Europe.
In any case, this night was just as fun...it was fabulous spending time with my little freshman again. *snif snif* My little freshman is growing up... ;-)
But yeah, here's some words of wisdom stolen from my friends' profiles and away messages this evening:
"When someone talks to God it's called prayer. But what's it called when the President of the United States thinks God talks to him? I don't have a punch line because it would have to be a joke to have a punch line."
- Champe
"I apologize in advance if I hit on you. But remember every day is precious. Especially Saturdays. Specifically Saturdays between 9pm and 3am when I'm absolutely wasted."
- Emily
"What would Jesus do...for a klondike bar?"
- Joe

Wow, fun times...Ryan is my new best friend. More later! Nite all...

nice to know that out of the 200+ people on my buddy lists, one person called...how much am I worth again?

So yeah, I focused lights, wrote my will, and excorsized the ghost in PAB. Fun times.

So yeah, Johnnie never wrote back...so I apologized...whatever. I wasn't expecting you to actually care. And I wasn't expecting Ryan to either...I passed you on the sidewalk today, and you acted like you didn't know me. Welcome to Christianity, people. Polanah is even hotter when you show up to class after having a few. And, such is my life...and so I'm thinking maybe it's a good thing I ended up with a girlfriend. I certainly feel a lot better, regardless. So if someone wants to call me at like 1am if I'm not back online...just to make sure I haven't fallen off a ladder...not that it matters...that would be fabulous. I'm off to focus lights for this lovely show...
For the first time in a long time, I'm comfortable being alone again.
Shots of Bacardi, for everyone. My treat.

Yeah! My blog is fixed!

Nad0725: would it be too mean of an april fools joke to shit on my roommate's pillow?
Zeta Vande: no
Zeta Vande: not at all

So, as you can see, my blog has been hacked. Hopefully, someone at Blogger will care and come fix me.