Feeling of the Day: *giddy*

I just got the cutest email from Steve. I'll be talking to him tonight. Then Friday, I'll have a big day. Ed called earlier and will be visiting this weekend, so he's stopping by in the morning before class. Then, I have to head up for a production meeting in Roanoke, and then head straight to Ohio. Steve suggested that I might be able to get called in as overhire on Saturday to help him with electrics, so we'll see how that goes. I think that would be great...It'd give me something to do while he's working, plus I'll still be with him, AND it pays for the gas milage for the trip. :-) This seems to be playing out very well.

So aside from the brief interruption outside from one member of the Corp. screaming bloody hell at other members, it's been a tolerable weekend. Me and Heather had a great time shopping...we managed to pick a bag sale day, so that was great. Then I went back home to see Joe for the evening, and spent the night and morning with my family. Plus I got fed Indian food, so it's all good.

So, I better finish up and head back home for some dinner and a side of homework.

Song of the Day: Da Brat - "Watchu Like?"

So I really need to kick the habit of imagining things to be the worse they possibly could be. I don't think I ever really realized just how insecure I can be until I started dating Steve.

I heard back from him, of course, because he does care. He's just busy, and I knew that. I guess I didn't anticipate how unstable our lines of communication would be, but now that I know, I should get used to this.

Of course things work out the way they should. I should listen to myself sometimes, lol.

I'm going to see him in Ohio this coming weekend. I can't wait. :-)

So all is well. Me and Heather are going thrift store shopping this afternoon, and then I'm heading back to Salem for Joe's party. So I'll be spending the night there, and heading back here tomorrow after church...and then homework. I will be so glad when I'm done with school and don't have to ever do homework again.


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Well, my production meeting went really well yesterday...I think this is gonna be great! It was good seeing some of my friends again. The play looks pretty good, too...I've read part of it, and it's pretty funny.

And the first week of school is over. Thankfully. I'm already tired of classes. I still have to go out and get my books this afternoon...lol, good thing I didn't miss too much homework yet.

Joe's coming into town this weekend...it'll be great to see him again. He's having a party at home Saturday, so that should be fun. We're supposed to have a major's party this weekend, but I haven't heard anything yet. Meh.

That's all I suppose...got class soon.

Song of the Day: Orgy - "Eva"

Day 2 of classes, and I'm already up late because I'm upset. Dammit, having a long distance relationship is hard, but it's even harder when you feel like your partner isn't putting in as much effort as you are.

I mean, I know that Steve's got a hard job and long hours, but tell me what semester have I had here that wasn't just as difficult as the real world? And I know he's got bills to pay, but so do I...and I just can't keep calling him when he's never around. He told me to call him back tonight when he was too tired last night...but he's still not home. I can't call anymore. I can only hope that if he's really being honest with me and if he really loves me, that he'll find a way of reaching me in a few weeks.

So much for the no expectations, no regrets. It seems I may have been had.

And all this after a really difficult day. God I am so tired of this place and all the damn politics and everyone's lofty opinions about me. I'm gonna make it whether I have help or not.

I guess I'm back to hating the world...maybe I should have stayed in Utah after all.

I love my Steve...get to talk to him tonight. :-D

Not much going on...just getting around to classes and stuff. I've been really sick lately, don't know what's up with that. Classes should be pretty cool this semester.

It looks like I pretty much will be doing lights for "Enter Laughing" at VWCC. Hope that works out!

All I'd like to say to the losers who make computer viruses is this: I am so sorry that you have nothing better to do with your pathetic life than to sit around and figure out how to make other people just a miserable as you. No, this doesn't prove that you're a genius, it just proves that you are exactly the loser that everyone takes you for. Thank you.

The number of "sobig" emails I'm recieving in my d1 account is increasing exponentionally everyday. This really sucks. Please, everyone that reads this, go to www.symantec.com and download the fix and get this crap off your computers...even if you downloaded the virus definations later on, you still could be infected...and you might just be the person that's spamming me. Grr. With the way these worms are going, I LiveUpdate everyday AND check Symantec's site for the latest news on new security issues...I'd recommend that everyone do the same.

Ok, enough about the computer stuff. I had an excellent time hanging out with Ryan Kirk again last night...I'm glad he stopped in to see everyone before taking off to Ireland. I've decided that when I turn 21 at the end of the year, that I'm gonna just go and chill at the Cellar like that...I really think that's the best low-key place to be here in Blacksburg. So yeah, we just hung out for awhile at the bar, then went over to one of Kate's friend's housewarming party. I ran into Aaron there, and it was good to talk to him again. Corrie seemed to be freaked out by the fact that me and him dated in highschool...lol...not to mention what she did when me and Ryan told her about the "Heinze 57" story and us making out last year. Hehe...Ryan did say that I was a good kisser, LMAO.

Speaking of intimate contact, lol, I MISS MY BABY!!!!! I'm thinking that it might actually be cheaper for me to buy a new phone plan now, before this one runs out. Because if you think about it, if I have to pay all this long distance costs on my current phone plan (which as you know last month was several hundred dollars) then I might as well just get a new one that only costs me 40$ a month on top of the current plan...the only downfall is that I wouldn't be able to keep the same phone number if I just switched at the end of the year. But I guess that doesn't really matter, because I'd still have 3 months to give everyone my new number. Then I could call my Steve much more often, and not have to worry about it. :-) I think that might be the plan.

Anyways, I've been sitting over here at the PAB for long enough. I have to be back here tonight for the Big Brother / Big Sister meeting in a few hours anyways, so I better head home and get some stuff done. Fun times.

Song of the Day: Vanity Beach - "The Missing"

I got to talk to my sweetie last night...it was so good to hear his voice again. :-D He seems to be doing very well already with VEE...I'm so proud of him. Maybe I could go on tour with him next year after all, lol.

Getting ready to head over to Dana's...he just finished moving in, so I'm gonna keep him company while he unpacks. Spent some time over at Danica's this morning, and saw Anne and Barry too...they're all coming to my little party tonight.

So, ok, if you haven't gotten the info already, if you're looking at the BK behind Shultz, there's a white sorority house to the left of it, and my apartment building is right behind it. #305. Park in the commuter lot and walk over if you're driving.

I also got an email from one of the guys working at the VWCC Theatre Dept., and it looks like I might get to do a design there after all. Hoping this works out!

Yay! Fun times!

Song of the Day: Pink - "Get The Party Started"

Back in the lounge again, doing my internet thing. I helped Dana start moving in today...it was really good seeing him again, and he is so much happier now that he and Laura C. are dating. I'm really glad things are getting better for him. Then I headed over to Souvlaki for dinner...boy did I miss that cucumber dip.

I'm currently trying to figure out if there's a way for me to prevent being sent 5 copies of the SoBig worm every minute on my d1 mail account. If anyone knows a way to block these things, lemme know.

I get to call Steve in an hour! He finally emailed me today (hence the earlier post) to let me know where he is in Ohio. I hope I get to see him soon. :-)

Still in the midst of decorating...it's so much fun, but so time consuming. I hope I'll be done by tomorrow night, lol.

Anyways, off to the store I go for some more essentials I forgot about yet again...

I love my Steve! :-)

All goes well in the house of Laura...I finished moving in yesterday, and I've been working on unpacking and decorating all last night and this morning. Had to make this impromptu trip to the PAB to check my email and such, but it's all good. I LOVE my apartment...it's just right. Everything seems to be working, so once I get my ethernet set up, everything will be peachy.

Everyone, the "party" is still on, so I'll see you all tomorrow evening!

Song of the Day: Madonna - "Sanctuary"

Today was loads of fun. I went over to Katherine's for awhile...they have a huge place! BTW, they're looking for a fourth roommate, so if anyone needs a place at the last minute, there's a spot just for you! But yeah, it was great chillin' with her for awhile and catching up on all the latest info...sounds like I didn't miss out on too much this summer, LMAO. But wow, there's gonna be a bunch of us dealing with long distance relationships this year...we already have a virtual support group, lol.

I drove over to Cathy's afterwards and spent some time talking to her as she unpacked. That was cool too. It's so nice to see everyone again. I'm glad I'll be in for good tomorrow. :-D

Probably will be having lunch with Sammy, one of the really nice dudes from the BSU, sometime this week. He said he'll help me find a church down in the area since I'm pretty much done with the one here. I went back this past Sunday for Sunday School AND service, and it was like no one even knew I was gone. And I'm getting tired of the lessons that would be better suited for 12 year olds. *sigh* Enough of that.

So yeah, I need to finish hauling my stuff downstairs. If anyone is at all interested in helping me move in tomorrow, that would be fabulous.

Song of the Day: Jimmie's Chicken Shack - "When You Die You're Dead"

Day 2 of moving in. I'm getting ready to take all of my major decorating stuff down today, so that I can do the bathroom, kitchen, and decorate the walls before I put the furniture in tomorrow. That should be fun. :-) Yesterday was productive...I was able to get my bank account up again, and got my parking permit and everything in order for the apartment. All looks good, so I'm sooooooooo excited to be moving in finally.

I ran into David Wedin for a bit, too. I'm glad he's doing better. Hehe...it was fun talking to him about everything that happened this summer. I also hung out with Jeremiah for a few. I'm glad that we got things worked out, and that I have my big brother back. I was so worried that it was gonna be uncomfortable, but he's just like any of my other male friends. I'm glad we got over it.

I'm really excited, because we're getting ready to launch the Fluffy Starr Street Team in the next few days...if anyone's interested, head over the message board and sign up!

Well, I need to start loading the car again...fun times!

Song of the Day: Vanity Beach - "711"

So yes, I've been back home for a day...oh yeah, need to change the cellphone message...and NO ONE IS FREAKING HOME. Where the hell are you guys?

I'll be down in B-burg tomorrow to start moving and stuff. I'm so tired of packing.

Missing my Steve... *sigh* My parents aren't down with this, and his age hasn't even come up yet. It's the damn tongue ring.

Other than that, things are going well.

Song of the Day: "Vanity Beach - The Synthetic"

YOU LIVE IN A WALMART BAG!!!


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Fun times on the last day in Utah.

Me and Wynn went to go see Pirates of the Caribbean last night...much fun! Go see it! Today we've all been lounging around, cleaning up, and packing. I have to get up at 4am tomorrow morning to catch my shuttle to SLC, and then I won't be getting into town until 9 at night...stupid 4 hour layovers in Chicago...

I can't believe that this time tomorrow I'll be home.

Talk to you all soon. :-)

Song of the Day: Alanis - "Unprodigal Daughter"

More Utah quotes, that will stay with me for a long time to come...

Steve: "I tell you what..."
Me: "What?"
Steve: "I just told ya."
- quoting Steve's favorite comedian.

"For sure."
- Mike

"Don't tell my other boyfriends."
- for all those here, no expanation is necessary

"I'll definately miss your barps and ferts..."
- me, and it was way too earlier in the morning.

"Just chillin'."
- Mike

*Sigh* So I just saw Steve off in the shuttle to the airport after a wonderful final evening and morning together. He really is a good guy, and I miss him already. But I am feeling so much more confident about things, and I think this really is one of the better choices I could have made.

So now, I'm in the process of taking care of business...I finished work and got my final paycheck today, and I'm on my way to the bank to get my money out. I'm almost done packing, and I guess I'll be cleaning tomorrow. We're also taking the jetskiis out for one final spin tomorrow afternoon, so that should be loads of fun.

I'm looking forward to seeing all of you guys back home! Dana, I'll probably call you as soon as I get in...I'm sure you won't object to hanging out Saturday night...that is, if Laura C's not in town, lol. :-P

I'm also planning on having a small gathering at my place later on this week once I get moved in...so be expecting an email/phone call shortly. :-) Well, maybe not a phone call...my mom emailed me yesterday informing me my bill was over 200 dollars this month. Oops. I really do need a nationwide plan.

I'm also getting ready to add the link to Fluffy Starr's weblog...we just set that up earlier in the month, and it's now pretty much up and running...so that should be very cool!

I'm feeling very good about this summer, and about heading home. No expectations, no regrets.

Song of the Day: Madonna - "Rescue Me"

I'm talking, I'm talking
I believe in the power of love
I'm singing, I'm singing
I believe that you can rescue me

With you I'm not a little girl, with you I'm not a man
When all the hurt inside of me comes out, you understand
You see that I'm ferocious, you see that I am weak
You see that I am silly, and pretentious and a freak

But I don't feel too strange for you
Don't know exactly what you do
I think when love is pure you try
To understand the reasons why
And I prefer this mystery
It cancels out my misery
And gives me hope that there could be
A person that loves me

Rescue me [rescue me, it's hard to believe]
Your love has given me hope
Rescue me [rescue me, it's hard to believe]
I'm drowning, baby throw out your rope

With you I'm not a fascist, can't play you like a toy
And when I need to dominate, you're not my little boy
You see that I am hungry for a life of understanding
And you forgive my angry little heart when she's demanding
You bring me to my knees while I'm scratching out the eyes
Of a world I want to conquer, and deliver, and despise
And right while I am kneeling there
I suddenly begin to care
And understand that there could be
A person that loves me

Love is understanding
It's hard to believe life can be so demanding
I'm sending out an S.O.S.
Stop me from drowning baby I'll do the rest

It's not my business to decide
How good you are for me
How valuable you are
And what the world can see
Only that you try to understand me
And have the courage to love me for me

Oops. So, we got to Benson lake and I immediately climbed on behind Steve on the Kawasaki...I guess he thought I remembered everything and was comfortable from last time, so he took off...I was trying to hold on, but he did a fast spin and I went flying. I was really disoriented and under water, so I did what I was trained to do and just sat still until I could figure out which way I was floating so I could swim to the surface. I guess Steve thought I was knocked out, so he stopped suddenly and fell off...and consequently lost his glasses. All within the first 5 minutes. What a disaster.

The good news is that work wasn't that bad today...we finished before 6. We work 10-8 until Thursday cleaning prop storage, then Friday we're all going to the water park in Salt Lake City. So that should be a nice last day before we go home. I get picked up by the shuttle at 5:30 am Saturday...and I'll land in Roanoke at 9pm. I can't believe all of the performers are gone already, and that most of my friends will be gone before the end of the week...

Last night was the grande finale. I'm glad the shows are over, and I'm almost home...but as I was standing up at Micheal Ballam's house looking out over the valley, for the first time all of this became real, including the fact that I'm leaving it all behind me. I've met some really wonderful people here, and I'm going to miss them.

And then this morning as I was curled up next to Steve, I realized we only have 3 more days together, counting today. And we have to work for most of it. I'm so sad.

We're taking the jetskiis out again in a few hours...unfortunately, I have to leave early to get back to work, but at least I can have a little fun. :-) So I better go find some more batteries for my camera...

Song of the Day: Garbage - "Stroke of Luck"

*Yawn* I just woke up...it's nice being able to sleep in. I sometimes spend the night at Steve's, and it's so comforting to wake up in the morning, even though he's already left for work, and be surrounded by his stuff. I'm going to have to gank some of his belongings before he leaves, so that I can have a bit of him with me when I go home! ;-)

I'm really encouraged by the way things are going lately...these last few weeks have been really, really good for us, and I'm feeling much more confident about our relationship. I had told some of you on the phone recently that I was concerned about our not being able to talk to each other very well...I ended up just putting it all down in a letter, and I think that worked. Last night he opened up a bit on his last relationship; then we had a really amusing conversation about random things...in many ways, it was like the first time we'd really just chilled for awhile together, just the two of us...no tv, no other people, no phone ringing, no smoke breaks. I was scared at first about the problems I saw with this relationship, but we're both working to correct them, and it really is getting better.

It also helped with the realization that we're both fighting the same demons. Last night he told me he knew I was scared, because I was used to the same treatment he was. You would think it would be disasterous for me to think he was waiting for me to leave him, just as I am waiting for him to leave me...but I also know that he never wants to treat me the way he's been treated, and vice versa...so I know now that he's willing to take the risk on the relationship with me.

The other good news is that he's going to be in Dayton, Ohio for a few weeks getting ready for the tour, and I realized that that's only 6 hours from Blacksburg. So I may get to see him a bit more often than I thought previously. Hehe...but that should be an adventure in itself...me driving 6 hours alone to some place I've never been. :-)

So, here I am, in the midst of getting ready to come home. It's been a fabulous summer, despite all of the bad things happening at work. I'm hearing some promising information about next year's staffing here, so there's still a chance I may come back...with changes, of course. I guess we'll just see how the year goes.

You know, I think I'm coming back as a much different person. Thank you, God, for getting my head back in order.

Song of the Day: Alanis - "21 Things I Want In A Lover"

I just spent a rather amusing night going back and reading my entries from April on... I gave Steve the link to this blog so that he could keep up with me on tour (and maybe get a better understanding of me), so I decided to go back and see just what I was broadcasting about myself these last couple of months. I thought it'd be depressing, but I was laughing through most of it...I'm glad I was able to keep my sense of humor through all of that. (Of course, having Dana around made that much, much easier...)

I also found a lot of song lyrics that I wrote...definately gonna have to do something with those when I get back into town. Speaking of which, I fly back next Saturday. My apartment contract starts the following Monday, so I should be beginning to move stuff down that day, but I probably won't actually move in completely until more like Wednesday or so. I can't believe school's starting again. I will definately try to make it to the shop as much as possible before school starts to help you guys out while David's still recovering.

In other news, I guess some of you are probably wondering what's going on with me and Jeremiah these days. Well, I emailed him a few weeks ago about the show we're doing, and since then we've had some really wonderful phone conversations in the last week. The remnents of this relationship may be one of my biggest challenges when I get home, but I am determined to not let this year be as hostile as last semester. The fight is over, people. I want to drop it, and I want you guys to drop it, too. I am very appreciative of how supportive and protective my friends were, but I don't want the dissention anymore. We've forgiven each other, and we're friends again...in some ways, I may even have my big brother back after all...

Career-wise, after what happened last semester (and keeping in mind a few choice examples from this summer, too) I'm going to be approaching theatre much differently this year. I will not be working on all of the shows...in fact, I won't be working on most of them. As much as I like to help people out, this year is for me. It has to be for me. If I don't do what's best for me now, I won't have anything. I just wanted to get that out in the open...the fact of the matter is, this department let me run me run myself into the ground, and then refused to acknowledge all the things I had done right in the face of the one thing I did wrong. If I don't take care of myself, on one else will. I hate to be that selfish this time around, but I have to survive.

I am actually ready to come home.

Song of the Day: Reality Check - "Time is Fading"

So me and Steve finally had "the talk" about what we're gonna do after this summer...and, the verdict is: we're gonna give it a chance! This past week has been so good...I think all of the original problems got worked out. It's going to be rough being away from each other...we figure we'd get lucky to talk once or twice a week. But it will be very nice to have him in the back of my mind when I go home. I still have an uphill climb back in Virginia, and I'm still going to be very much alone, but it will be nice having the silent support of a relationship.

So, after a year, then what? I guess we'll see how it goes. He'll be ending up the tour about the time I graduate...there are many options, but I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

Now...how do I tell my parents that I'm dating a 30 year old man?

Song of the Day: Madonna - "I'll Remember"

So we had a Halloween Party (in August) last night...so much fun! I'm gonna upload pics in a few minutes.

In other news, more drama at work. There's this 16 year old intern at work who is attempting to get with every guy in the place, including Steve, and my roomie's boyfriend, Mike. I wasn't really concerned at first, but now she's going around saying she made out with Steve, and is dating Mike, yadda, yadda, so now we're all trying to kill that. As dumb as it all is, if anyone believes her, Steve and Mike could get into trouble being that she's under age. What an inconsiderate selfish girl. It's sad to see someone who feels she has to validate herself this way.

DanaPlatoisDead: how's whatever you're doing
Zeta Vande: eh, it's ok
Zeta Vande: a lot of drama at work
Zeta Vande: no pun intended