Sometimes I wonder if Goth = LJ Drama

Anyone in the scene knows what I'm talking about. Oi.

Anyways, man...so I did end up giving my notice on Sunday. It was kinda sad. I guess to backtrack, I got NO sleep on Saturday night. Jeremiah came down for the Halloween party / Psyclon Nine release party. It went well on one end of things...we had a HUGE crowd come out, but unfortunately, I didn't sell a single copy. Sold a couple of other albums, but that was it. I did hear that Metro sold out though, so maybe I can pop these up on eBay real quick (if Ryan doesn't want them first) and see what happens.

In the meantime, one of my friends got sick, so I had to take her to the hospital. Crazy times indeed. The short story is, we left the venue finally, and got home about the time I would have needed to get up to go to work.

Anyways, I ran main services on my own, and surprisingly had no real issues. My boss' boss came up to me afterwards and told me what a great job I was doing, how happy he was I was there, etc., so I eventually had to sadly cut him off and tell him I was leaving. Awkward... Finally got to talk to Tim at the end and told him. I do feel bad in a way. He's a good guy, and most of my issues aren't his fault. Anyways, I told him I'd be available for overhire in the meantime, so I can at least sorta help them out...

But I think in the end I really did make the right decision. Me, Corrie, and Vince went out last night, and as I sat back and ate my steak (since, as I told Corrie, I've gotta wait another three weeks before I can get the real meat I'm craving - giggidy!), I just felt all the stress melt away. Yes, I think the pay cut is worth it. Then, I also may have another job opportunity that is MUCH more to my liking, so hopefully that will work itself out in the next few weeks. If it happens, well...I'll be doing music fulltime, and my life will essentially be complete.

I accidentally talked to Filip last night whilst texting Joe, so that was cool. I can't wait to see those guys again. I think me and Sydney might be going shopping sometime this week too, so that'd be awesome. I can also start doing some photoshoots again soon, now that I can actually plan my schedule. I can even go visit Colleen in Ohio now. Allllriiiiiiiiight.

On that note, I guess I better get some sleep. Work will probably be annoyingly awkward tomorrow.

Song of the Day: Psyclon Nine - "Flesh Harvest" www.psyclonnine.com

Option 2 and 1/2

Well, it's not my magical third option, but it's the lesser of two evils.

I'm giving my notice on Sunday. I'm so done.

The good thing is that I had been relatively smart about this whole ordeal. I still have my private health insurance, and I still have a contract with Woolly for a show in January. So I can take care of myself and work. And honestly, I thought from the beginning that I may not stick this out past December...so middle of November isn't really too bad, in the end.

And I can't wait to dye my hair back to pink.

It's not going to be perfect. But I gotta do what I came here for. Maybe...just maybe having the time to get this comp album out will get the ball rolling in quite a different direction.

I think I must've made the right decision too...when I opened up my last resignation letter to edit it for this job...I noticed that I had written that one exactly one year ago today.

Crossroads.

Everything always happens at once, you know. I woke up this morning to find that Alchemy, DC's largest goth/industrial club, is shutting down after Halloween. Earlier this week, Midian has shrunken down to a once a month event.

Both events were fun, and I'm really going to miss them. But it's not hard to see why this happened. I have a lot of respect for those involved with both clubs, but I really credit the locations of the venues as the ruining of the events. I'm one of the guilty parties who didn't go out enough. But it's really difficult to support the scene when it meant spending close to an hour trying to find parking at Midian - and even then that being roughtly 10 blocks away. And it was hard going to Alchemy when I knew there was an extremely good chance my car would get broken into. It is simply easier to go to Midnight when I can park a block away and not worry about who might pass me on the sidewalk or what might get slipped into my drink.

So I guess we'll see what happens from here.

The other depressing aspect to all of this is that I can only assume that the Psyclon Nine show is now cancelled. I guess we'll see. They have two other tour dates somewhat close by...but they're on Saturdays...and I have to work Sunday mornings. Somehow I'm not sure if I can pull off that 6 hour drive from Ohio at 2am anymore.

Which brings me to the next part. I hate my job. I hate having to suck it up and stop doing what I came here to do just for the money. That's what this was all about, right? I took this job because it payed well. I fucking sold out, and I knew it.

I'm beginning to realize that no matter what I do, I'm going to lose. I can go back to freelancing and do more music stuff and be 'happy' (and have to worry about whether or not I can afford to eat that week) or I can work here and have my Starbucks every morning (and try to content myself with tour pictures).

I'm looking for the third alternative.

It's Always Easier

It's always easier
to close your eyes
It's always easier
to live a lie...
- Psyclon Nine, -hidden track-

Still can't get enough of CTF. Such a good album! And I'm not just saying that because I think the guitarist is cute. It's definitely by far their best album...it really defines goth/industrial. This hidden track actually reminds me strongly of Eye Butterfly's "A Face In The Crowd" so I'm working on a remix of the two. Should be hot, once I finish. So far it's coming along pretty well.

I talked to my boss about the whole political propaganda deal going on at work, and got little support. To me, it seems that the best way anyone can protect their own religious and moral freedom is by protecting everyone else's. Politics are meant to protect, not to dictate.

Anyways, I just had a rush of photoshoots get scheduled. I'm working (hopefully) with one of Larry's friends this weekend, then I should be with a new girl, Andrea, who seems very nice and has good concepts next month. I'm also talking to a few others about some new sets. Should be busy.

I decided today that I want to learn how to play bass. So I'm gonna ask one of my buds to teach me. We'll see how that goes.

Well, off to bed...get to sleep in tomorrow, for once. Yay!

Crwn Thy Frnicatr

Ryan emailed me earlier today to let me know that Psyclon Nine's new album was in, so I ran over on my lunch break to pick up my shipment.

Oh. My. God. If I could hump a CD, it would be this one.

My work place is telling me how to vote! All right!

I got to work today and checked my email, only to find one of the staff members had sent out mailing about "what would happen if the liberals get elected!" Not only am I a strong supporter of keeping church and state seperate, but sending out political messages via workplace communications is totally bogus.

And now I'm really surprised that no one's said anything about my big bright Libertarian bumper sticker yet.

Anyways, I had a good few days off. The Terrorfakt show actually went pretty well. Lots more people showed up than I had anticipated. I got a chance to talk to Ben and Andy for awhile, and they were very nice guys. Also, their opening act - Tonikom - was awesome! She's a one woman noise act, and very good. Definitely check her out. Their roadie, a guy named Shaggy, actually lived in Roanoke for awhile, and was good friends with some of the guys in the band Derek used to be in. It's such a small world, eh?

I started working out again this week. I've lost about all the weight I want to lose already by just eating better, but I think I could stand to get in a bit better shape since I'm gonna be hauling lights around here again shortly. Plus, you know...wanna look good for a cute boy by the end of November. :-)

Song of the Day: 51 Peg - "Stalemate" www.51peg.com

National "Take Care of Your Drunk Friends" Weekend!

Or at least, that's what I think this past weekend must have been, though I never got the memo. This weekend was insane. From a photoshoot with Corrie, to taking my drunk coworker to the church at 3am, to helping my DJ friend rebuild his entire CD collection...I think I've gotten about 5 or 6 hours of sleep since waking up Friday morning. Insanity, I tell you.

Anyways, the photoshoot was awesome! Me and Corrie had this guy on OMP message us about some of his current projects, so we headed down to Dale City on Saturday for that. He was a very nice guy, and is working on a book that showcases various mardi gras masks that his friend makes. It's a very cool concept, and I think both me and Corrie got some good shots out of the deal, based on what we're seeing in our proof sheets. I also did some sets for his legs project, wearing all of my crazy shoes and hose. A lot of those look really awesome, too. I'm very excited. It's funny, because I never took the idea of me modeling seriously (I mean, most of you guys know I don't even touch make-up on a normal day), but ever since Larry convinced me to work with him, it's surprising how well it's going. I mean, I feel pretty good about myself...but I never thought a 5'2" amazon would be model material, lol. It's fun though.

So yeah, one of my DJ buds had his CD collection stolen on the way into town the other night. He's a good dude and is trying to get his life back up and running, so it sucks to have something like this happen. I've definitely got a soft spot for him since no matter what he ALWAYS plays a Psyclon Nine song for me (he even managed to sneak in "Harlot" for me the other night, though he was spining from other people's collections), so with the help of Ryan over at SLR, I've collected a bunch of industrial promos as well as burned most of my collection so that he has something to start over with. I also went out and got him a new CD case. I dunno, I guess with all of the troubles I had earlier this month with my car and my health, I feel that since I got out of that so easily, that it's kind of my turn on the karma wheel to help some people out when I can.

I don't even think I can get into the story about what happened with my coworker, but I have to say I do wish I could have been in the office at 6am yesterday morning when my boss walked in and found him asleep in his chair with vomit in the trashcan. Haha, even though I'm "saved", I may still end up in hell if I keep this up...

Song of the Day: Psyclon Nine - "Harlot" www.psyclonnine.com

Romanticism

You know, I usually pride myself on being independent and being able to take care of myself. So this is kind of a different feeling for me than usual...

There are very few things that are hotter than a man who will stand up for his girl. Even for something as simple as today...

"Politics is a Good Thing"

Or so says the stickers that Larry Sabato gives me everytime I run into him with my dad. While killing time in between set-ups, I decided I really ought to investigate the political races in my area, since that time is coming up soon. The results are fairly dismal.

For US Senate, I think I may end up voting for my roommate's puppy. Not even including all the controversy around George Allen, I'm definitely not in favor of staying in Iraq, which pretty much puts out most Republicans for me in general. But for Jim Webb, I don't see much difference. His website is a really good example of "sound and fury, signifying nothing" - it's very long to read, but nothing is really actually said. His views on such topics as health care and education don't seem to be any different than Allen's, and he's also in no way clear about his views on Iraq, leaving the subject very open ended. Finally, there's an independent candidate, Gail Parker, who has absolutely no information on her (very ugly) website about any of the major issues, but instead has seemed to have built her platform soley around getting a high speed train into our area. What?

As far as the House race goes, there is in fact a Libertarian candidate (yay!) for our district - Bill Wood. He seems to be on par with Libertarian philosophy, so I'll be happy to vote for him. Unfortunately, I've seen no press on him at all, so it doesn't look like there will be much hope...

So that's my two cents on the upcoming elections. And no matter who you vote for...just make sure you vote.

(For music related news, I got some VERY good info this morning. I will be an extremely happy girl if everything I heard gets confirmed.)

The light goes out the clear end.

Somebody cute called me last night. *smiles* I think next month could quite possibly be extremely awesome.

Work wasn't too bad today. I got into the gym and took all the lights down for maintenance. Oi, they're in bad shape. About a half inch of dust on them - not an exaggeration. Very badly maintained - lots of them were hung improperly, put back together the wrong way (I found several reflectors and one lens in backwards so far. I mean, um, how do you manage to get the reflector wrong?? The light goes out the clear end, people...

So I'll finish cleaning tomorrow, and hopefully hang and focus if I can get around to it. I only have maybe 20 lights in there, but it's difficult being the only one in there, and having to move my own Genie.

On the flip side, we had a robbery at work today. Some dude just walked into the building, found a neglected purse, and took all the credit cards. The wierd thing was, I actually saw this guy. I was walking back from the loft and saw him coming the opposite direction. He opened the door to our office suite and looked in, and then closed the door and kept walking. He said hi to me and everything. He must've robbed the other lady right after that. Pretty creepy.

Oh, and I heard from my friend Natalie the other night! Camille called because she had run into her in Roanoke; Natalie used to live right up the street from me in high school. She was totally awesome, and inventor of the "Poochie!" joke. She also bought me a life-sized cardboard cut out of Mr. Spock for my birthday one year. And you know that has "cool" written all over it.

Song of the Day: Psyclon Nine - "Better Than Suicide" www.psyclonnine.com

Change your ways, for now you're living in a dream...

It's always this song...

I don't know, I had a great day and a good weekend, but sometimes I just get slapped in the face with reality. I need a change again. Already I feel stagnate.

Sometimes I have to remind myself that I gave up certain things for good reason...

I need to get focused on my career again. I have to do this for me.

Song of the Day: Disown - "Beautifully Sickening" www.disown.cc

The fiasco comes to an end (I hope)

So after getting my car back, guess what it does again? Yep. So back to the shop it goes. Fortunately, my boss lets me know that the church has a car I can use, so my uber-awesome roommate drives me to Springfield to pick it up. The good side: it's a freakin' Crown Vic, so you know EVERYONE got out of my way while I was driving, thinking I was an unmarked cop car. The bad side: the alignment was so out that I had to hold the steering wheel at 11 o'clock to keep it straight. *sigh*

Finally got my car back, and just in time too: as soon as I get to work, my boss calls again to tell me he just blew his transmission out, so now he needs the church car! So I end up picking him up at his house (and his wife made me dinner, which was awesome) and then taking him back here so he could get it. Kinda cool to talk to him for the almost hour drive about various things. I got a chance to voice some of my concerns and views about things, and that was a good thing. He's a good guy.

So my car seems to be fine now, and somehow, my parents decided to help me out with the payment. When I had called them earlier to talk to them about it, my mom said they'd send me a bit of money. What I didn't expect was for them to pay for the whole thing. That was really, really cool of them. I don't say that a lot, but seriously, that was awesome. I don't have to rely on Ramen after all.

And then Jeremiah came down to visit for a few days, so that's been nice. He got here last night (after blowing a tire out...seriously, what is up with all the car problems?!?!) so we spent the evening chilling out and watching Star Trek. It was awesome. Today we went to the mall, and I got a few pairs of thigh-high stockings in preparation for me and Corrie's next shoot, coming up this weekend. This afternoon me and Jeremiah did a shoot, and it came out really well! So here's one picture from that, with me and my new hair...



Good times! So life seems to be returning to normal faster and better than expected, so that's cool. Tomorrow I'm meeting one of my friends from church for lunch, then heading over to Strangeland to hang out / work on street team stuff for an hour or two...

Song of the Day: Rhea's Obsession - "Spiritual Fear" www.myspace.com/rheasobsession

Because nothing can ever be easy...

So I get the call that, finally (about 2 hours after they told me I'd have it), my car is ready. So I go in, get the details (somehow, it ended up being a bit cheaper than they told me...hey, that's an extra $105 dollars I don't have to make up in prostitution), and write the check.

Declined. FTW.

So I call up the place, and they say that even though I have no negative credit history, that I have no history of writing checks of that size, so it's a liability. We go in circles, saying that they'll approve it manually...but everytime they try to run the check, it gets declined again. And I'm like, ok, you can see my bank account in front of you. You can see I have the money. And, on top of that, if I need history to write checks of that size, how am I ever going to get that history if I can't write one to begin with? Does this remind anyone of the fiasco I went through to get my goddamn credit card? (Which, I couldn't use in the first place, because my limit isn't high enough to cover my bill.)

The result being, in the end, I had to walk over to the bank in the rain (ok, well, it's not that pitiful because the bank is just across the parking lot, but still) and find out what the hell was wrong with my account. They say they see no reason why it should be declined, and go ahead and just give me the cash out of my account.

Finally, I have my car, but at this point it's so late I can't get to work on time, so I have to call out and miss that much more work / money.

I have never had a good experience with America's financial institutions. I think I now understand why my grandma keeps so much of her money in cash.

Depending on how much money I've regained, I'm contemplating a trip to Nashville the end of November. Because some people are worth driving 10 hours for to see just one week earlier. :-)

Song of the Day: Psyclon Nine - "Anaesthetic for the Pathetic" www.psyclonnine.com

I'll be eating Ramen for awhile...

$1600 later, my car should be fixed sometime tomorrow. *sigh*

Fortunately, I did get a good amount of work done today. Cleaned up a bit around the house, did laundry, etc. Got the Strangeland Street Team mailing list set up, so I can start working more on that as things get going.

Got two more sections for RAM done, just need to upload them. I have a handful of new artist submissions I should go through, too...

I applied for that other job today, so cross your fingers that it's cool AND that I get it.

Song of the Day: Plumb - "I Can't Do This" www.plumbinfo.com

I hate my life.

My car died on the way home tonight. It's always fucking something, isn't it? Can't I just have a good day, just once?

Return of the movie star

On my way home last night, the doctor's office FINALLY called me to say that my test results came back normal. Thank god. I was in such a good mood I decided that my best course of action would be to go get my hair professionally fixed (and as my coworker put it, spend the money that I had been saving for my funeral for something flamboyant) so I am now a blonde. I couldn't get all the way to white like I wanted due to the previous color. But it's still pretty light, and a cool greyish ash color. I dig it.

Theoretically I'm planning on going to see the Spencers tomorrow night, as they're performing in Gettysburg. May not go, though, depending on how much work I can get done tomorrow and how I'm feeling.

I found a job ad that looks pretty cool, so I'm applying for that. More on that later.

I have a sudden urge to resurrect my plans for FilterFind. That program I was going to make for indexing lighting gel. Hmn.