"I think your part in this world isn't to be sitting in some fucking booth pushing a button, make your music Laura."
I love you, Chris. :-)
I basically had an all-out panic attack around 3am this morning. I decided the best way to deal with the emotional crap was to take charge and start working on the physicalities of life again. Dammit, wow, I sat down to do my finances and I am NOT in a good place. Granted, I have quite a bit saved, but I won't be able to survive at the pace I'm going now. So, what to do, what to do...I freaked out at first, but gradually gained peace of mind and have started figuring things out.
Unfortunately, I have to quit the video company. While the potential to make a mad amount of money is there (and both the company and the people are cool) I just can't live on a "maybe in 3 months you'll have something" kind of mentality. Nothing wrong with the idea of commission in general, it's just not what I can do right now. So...looking for something more concrete, but at the same time will still allow me to do what I came here for. I actually found an ad for an A/V tech for a law firm in DC that pays madly well, so I applied for that and already heard back from them, asking me to give them a call. So, hey, if that works out, then well I'll do my 9-5, and keep my business going. If not, well, still looking for more theatre and odd jobs to do along the way. But somehow I'll make this.
Something broke in me this weekend, finally, and it hurts a lot, but I think it was something that needed to break. It's over now. I'm done trying to find this elusive lost love of my life that doesn't really exist. It's time I made myself happy instead of looking for it from someone else.
I love you, Chris. :-)
I basically had an all-out panic attack around 3am this morning. I decided the best way to deal with the emotional crap was to take charge and start working on the physicalities of life again. Dammit, wow, I sat down to do my finances and I am NOT in a good place. Granted, I have quite a bit saved, but I won't be able to survive at the pace I'm going now. So, what to do, what to do...I freaked out at first, but gradually gained peace of mind and have started figuring things out.
Unfortunately, I have to quit the video company. While the potential to make a mad amount of money is there (and both the company and the people are cool) I just can't live on a "maybe in 3 months you'll have something" kind of mentality. Nothing wrong with the idea of commission in general, it's just not what I can do right now. So...looking for something more concrete, but at the same time will still allow me to do what I came here for. I actually found an ad for an A/V tech for a law firm in DC that pays madly well, so I applied for that and already heard back from them, asking me to give them a call. So, hey, if that works out, then well I'll do my 9-5, and keep my business going. If not, well, still looking for more theatre and odd jobs to do along the way. But somehow I'll make this.
Something broke in me this weekend, finally, and it hurts a lot, but I think it was something that needed to break. It's over now. I'm done trying to find this elusive lost love of my life that doesn't really exist. It's time I made myself happy instead of looking for it from someone else.
 | Song of the Day: Fluffy Starr - "Dark Darker Darkest" www.fluffystarr.com |
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