So Em & Lo are slacking on their horoscopes for this week. So instead, I bring you these very important instructions, courtesy of doctor_hu.
What To Do If You Have Accidentally Joined The Death Eaters And Now Regret It
1. Make sure your feelings of regret are genuine. You may just have had a difficult day at work. Perhaps the muggles you were terrorizing were more spirited than usual, or Voldemort decided to torture you for no apparent reason. When things like these happen it is easy to think that a change of career will solve all your problems. Examine your feelings closely: if you feel that – despite its vexations – deep down you really love your job, then put your doubts aside and get back to work (you insidious fiend, you).
2. If you are certain that you really want to leave the death eaters, DO NOT inform Voldemort of your decision. He is unlikely to present you with a gold watch and wish you luck in your future employment.
3. Sound out Dumbledore & Co. You may have to become a spy in order to convince them you’ve genuinely changed. Be prepared to grovel for 3-5 years in order to atone for your crimes.
4. Verbally abuse yourself at every opportunity. Make sure that no one is left in doubt about your guilt about being a death eater. With practice, even the most mundane conversation can be peppered with remorse and self-disgust. For example, “Would you like a cup of tea?” can be met with the response: “Alas! I (wretch that I am!) would greatly enjoy a cup of tea (not that I deserve it!) with milk and two sugars (and may I be cursed for it!)”
5. Save up the money to have your dark mark removed by a competent medical professional. DO NOT get drunk and attempt to cut it from your arm in an orgy of guilt and self-loathing – this is silly, clichéd, and extremely messy.
6. Prepare yourself for the fact that for the rest of your life, whenever you get into an argument with someone they will inevitably utter the “scathing” retort: “Well at least I wasn’t a DEATH EATER!” It may be helpful for you to know that if you use someone’s death eating past against them in an argument, it automatically means that the argument is over, and your opponent has won (this principle is known as Sev’s Law).
7. Once you have been admitted into the side of light, refrain from blowing it all by doing something stupid (like killing Dumbledore, for example).
What To Do If You Have Accidentally Joined The Death Eaters And Now Regret It
1. Make sure your feelings of regret are genuine. You may just have had a difficult day at work. Perhaps the muggles you were terrorizing were more spirited than usual, or Voldemort decided to torture you for no apparent reason. When things like these happen it is easy to think that a change of career will solve all your problems. Examine your feelings closely: if you feel that – despite its vexations – deep down you really love your job, then put your doubts aside and get back to work (you insidious fiend, you).
2. If you are certain that you really want to leave the death eaters, DO NOT inform Voldemort of your decision. He is unlikely to present you with a gold watch and wish you luck in your future employment.
3. Sound out Dumbledore & Co. You may have to become a spy in order to convince them you’ve genuinely changed. Be prepared to grovel for 3-5 years in order to atone for your crimes.
4. Verbally abuse yourself at every opportunity. Make sure that no one is left in doubt about your guilt about being a death eater. With practice, even the most mundane conversation can be peppered with remorse and self-disgust. For example, “Would you like a cup of tea?” can be met with the response: “Alas! I (wretch that I am!) would greatly enjoy a cup of tea (not that I deserve it!) with milk and two sugars (and may I be cursed for it!)”
5. Save up the money to have your dark mark removed by a competent medical professional. DO NOT get drunk and attempt to cut it from your arm in an orgy of guilt and self-loathing – this is silly, clichéd, and extremely messy.
6. Prepare yourself for the fact that for the rest of your life, whenever you get into an argument with someone they will inevitably utter the “scathing” retort: “Well at least I wasn’t a DEATH EATER!” It may be helpful for you to know that if you use someone’s death eating past against them in an argument, it automatically means that the argument is over, and your opponent has won (this principle is known as Sev’s Law).
7. Once you have been admitted into the side of light, refrain from blowing it all by doing something stupid (like killing Dumbledore, for example).
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