constipate modesty cowbird

...was the title of the latest piece of spam in my inbox. I just couldn't pass that one up.

So things are indeed picking up. I talked to Marius for awhile last night and we agreed on doing a limited re-release of their last album. Should be a lot of fun...going to autograph and individually number them. And...I had a kickass idea for the cover art, and as a bonus, it means I get to be the model. So I'm talking to Vincent Knaus about it, and should hopefully shoot it late next week. If all goes well, this should be pressed by the end of January.

AND, I'm finalizing the compilation album now. Been waiting long enough. I don't have a completely full disk, but I need to get it out and move on. I doubt I'll do another comp for awhile since this has been a lot more difficult to plan than I had hoped. But, we'll see what happens.

Apparently, myspace has upped their photo limit. Alllriiight.

dA

I spent part of my evening diving deep into deviantArt. It was a lot of fun. I think I want to get a new camera and start taking pictures of abandoned buildings...those have been my favorite pictures so far. I also spent some time working on some ideas for some new photo shoots.

Anyways, I better head to bed. I have a lot of work I want to get done tomorrow, and I'm planning on going to the thrift store for a bit to find some new clothes/accessories for my new modelling ideas. Then I'm supposed to meet up with Jacob for dinner. Should be a good day.

In conclusion, I'm worried about someone.

Christmas Tidings

So what do you do when you find out that one of the reasons your family doesn't want your cousin's child with her ex-husband is because he's actually not the father and doesn't know it?

Choosing what is right over what is easy...

As much as you may try to forget, your roots are what you got...

So I just had one of the best nights in a very long time.

I got home and it was business as usual. I wonder if my parents realize that I actually would come home more often if I wasn't convinced that I was just setting myself up for redicule and discouragement everytime I come into town.

Anyways, after about 3 hours of that, I was gladly accepting David's invitation to hang out. I had talked to him earlier when he mentioned he was also struggling with being at home, so we went out to AA's for awhile tonight to catch up. It was awesome seeing him again. He's doing so many cool things, and is pursuing a career he really enjoys. I have nothing but respect for that.

More interestingly, his career is in counseling. So I think, hey, why not...I'm gonna tell him about my current concerns and see what happens. It was probably the best thing I could have done; he wasn't trying to give me advice or tell me what I should do...he simply listened and help facilitate my decision. He helped me realize I already knew what I had to do, and that I had already made my decision. I just had to talk it out and make it real. I know...I know what's best now. I think it was cool for him too, since I told him afterwards that I really appreciated his conversation...I think in a way it helped validate what he's trying to do, both as a career field and as his way of helping people he cares about it. I was just a really good, definitive night.

In the meantime, Dana's mom was out with some of her friends, so she came over for awhile. She's so cool...and it really meant a lot for her to tell me how proud she was of me, and how she supported what I was doing. I really needed that after the constant barrage of "when are you going to go to grad school for something else?" and "when are you going to dye your hair back to something respectable so that you don't scare your future husband away?". Yeah. I really did need some acceptance and approval, no matter how independent I choose to be. It just helps.

Anyways...things are cool. I'm at peace. Moving on.

The Year in Review (because everyone else is)

Sure, ok, I'll follow suit and write a nostalgic blog entry about this past year. Because, honestly, I have every reason to, seeing that for the first time, this is going to be about what I DID do, and not what I'm PLANNING to do.

So here I am. I'm in the nation's capitol doing music promotion fulltime. In six days it will be exactly a year since I moved. Goal acheived.

What next? As stated in my previous blog entry, I've been thinking about what to go after now that my main focus has come to completion. Well, I think the next step is to back off of shows a little bit (still doing small-medium sized shows about once a month, but staying away from large projects for now) and to get my label/distro up and moving again. I'm going to spend the next few days while I'm back home for Christmas on finalizing the line-up for the comp album and getting contracts out to everyone. Then, hopefully, it should be pressed and available in January. I'm on the lookout for some new talent, less specifically as a Supported Artist, and more for the label in general. I want to expand my company in that direction next year.

Personally, this past year was odd for me, but in a good way. I moved here for my business, and for the most part followed through on that, though it took a couple of shake-ups for me to really keep that promise to myself. After the incident with Sean, however horrible that was, it basically let me shut that aspect of myself down for the first time in, well, ever, and let me be myself and alone for an extended period of time. Sure, I got a few crushes along the way, but I stayed focused on what I needed to do to survive and grow, and it paid off.

I'm finding that the longer I'm single, the more picky I've become about any future prospects in a man, based on both my outside observations of the relationships around me, and on an extended look back at my previous relationships over the past few years. It's funny, though kinda horrifying, to look back and wonder, "Why the hell did I go out with that guy?" All those "little" things at the time that I overlooked, which now would almost immediately rule anyone out of the running.

So, like my roommate, here's THE LIST. You wanna be my boyfriend? Here's what you need to know...

I want a guy who...
...first and foremost, has good self-esteem. Everyone has some insecurities, but if most of our conversations entail how you think you're too fat, your penis is too small, you don't perform well, you're too dumb to find a better job, you're afraid of the future, and you can't understand why I like you, then you do need to spend some time to learn to love yourself before you could ever learn to love me. And I admit, this is going to be a tough measure for me, as I've found it's my nature to try to comfort those who suffer with this.
...equally importantly, has a clear direction for his life. This doesn't mean it has to be THE direction...just have some important goals that you are actively pursuing. This is the key component for my respect of you.
...will help me when I need help and treat me like a lady, but at the same time respects my job and my own strengths and abilities to do stuff myself. I want a man who is confident enough in his career and in himself to admire and be proud of who I am, without feeling like I'm threatening his manhood.
...is again secure enough in himself to allow himself to be emotionally open with me, both privately and in public
...is comfortable with and specifically looking for a committed, one-on-one relationship
...is in a situation in life where he is able to fully take care of himself. He must have a place to live, a car, a job, and is financially responsible.
...is completely honest with me, and does not in any way attempt to be emotionally manipulative.
...is understanding of my crazy schedule, as well as my need to hang out with my friends and have some "me" time
...would be cool, supportive, and trusting if I have to go out of town on a business trip or on tour.
...likes to have fun, maybe have a few drinks, but doesn't smoke or do drugs.
...can appreciate my hobbies and tastes, but doesn't force his on me, nor attempt to do everything that I do or pretend to like everything that I like. At the same time, is passionate in his own tastes, and can introduce me to new people and things.
...has at least some basic understanding of the entertainment industry, and can listen to me and empathize when I'm both excited or frustrated with my career.
...will always try to make me comfortable, be it letting me sleep in his bed, giving me his sweatshirt, holding my hand, cuddling, etc.
...is intelligent.
...has a kick-ass sense of humor.
...is on the whole optimistic about life.
...has faith in both God and love.
...has no issues with my skin allergy.

I'm done messing around and wasting my time. I may not be perfect, but these are no less than what I would give.

So, bring it on, 2007.

Now what?

That's a common question in most aspects of my life at the moment. I've been in DC for a year...now what? I'm doing music promotion fulltime...now what? I met an amazing man but need to move on...now what? I am looking forward to 2007, but I have no real idea what to expect with either my career or my personal life. Maybe that's a good thing.

The show on Friday went reasonably well, though I'm surprised such a well-known venue has (in some areas) such lousy support staff. Met some cool people, made some money. In the end, I can't complain.

I'm taking a break at the moment to eat some lunch and update this before going back to preparing for today's street team meeting. So, yes, it seems I can finally eat again. I'm still feeling weak, but hopefully that'll improve over the next few days.

I don't really have anything to do this week other than work on SLRs pre-Xmas promotion, so that's nice. Oh, and shopping...I haven't really done much at all, aside from Corrie's super awesome birthday/xmas combo gift. Hehehehe.

When I'm not sick, I'm pretty.

Ok, so whatever this damn stomach flu thing is that's going around, it apparently is going to make me sick after everytime I eat. Bleh. So again, I was worthless this evening, all because I was silly and actually wanted to eat dinner. Oi.

In any case, I got my new pics back from my shoot with Don the other week, and they were indeed awesome:



My shoot with Conch Photography went well, too! He sent me proofs a little while ago, which just goes to prove that doing something wonky can actually produce good results:



More can be found on my ModelPlace account...because ModelMayhem currently sucks and has had their pic uploader down for over a day...boo.

Work for SLR is going well. I got a fair number of responses already from labels I had contacted about in store promo opps, so that's really encouraging. I spent most of the evening replying to emails, etc. Did I mention I love my job?

If I wanted drama...

...I would have stayed in theatre.

I don't know what's going around these days, but people are going crazy all around me. Just a few thoughts...

1) If you have professional disagreements with someone, going after their personal life is probably more than likely just going to come back to haunt you in the end. And...no one cares.

2) Bands who use excessive amounts of feedback while "jamming": it's not cool, it's not artistic, nor does it cover up the fact that you can't fret well.

3) Blaming all your problems via racism is probably the dumbest idea of all time.

4) Deciding several years after our relationship is over that suddenly now we can't be friends anymore is just, well...what? Do you really have to justify your current situation in life by attempting to destroy the past?

5) Either put it all out there to win, or keep it private to be safe. Don't half-ass it, because you won't get either.

I'm still feeling sick, bleh. Hopefully, I'll get over it soon.

Going to be a busy week. I'm working at SLR most of tomorrow, then Tuesday I have a photoshoot and then will be going to Schadey that evening. (Really this time.) Wednesday I have another shoot, whee, then Thursday I work at SLR then some overhire at IBC. Friday is my uberawesome show at Jaxx, and then Saturday, more overhire at IBC. Next week should be considerably less dramatic...I hope...

The 104 Returns

If you haven't, you should check out The 104. Your best source for witty entertainment, wine reviews, silly comics, crazy antics, and more.

So I think these last few weeks have caught up with me; not feeling too well so I stayed home today. I have to work at the store tomorrow and Monday anyways. Still really enjoying the job. Starting to get a bit of feedback I think from my efforts, so that's encouraging. I really want this to work out, for all of our sakes.

Me and Corrie decided to have Thai food delivered, which was awesome.

If you're not busy this Friday, please come out to the Rites of Ash / Heretics In The Lab show. Presale tix are only $5, and it's my first show at Jaxx. It's a very big deal that we get a good crowd! Come on...you know you love me...

Feeling kinda lonely. But just a little bit. This week was kind of a realization of the reality of my situation. And you know, it's ok. If things can't work out the way I want them to, it's better for it to be because of outside circumstances and not because I got hurt or was disappointed. But...yeah...on these cold nights, I wish I had someone here with me.

It still is wierd for me being single for so long. Especially over the past few months, when I was reflecting back on the past year. So much is different now.

I really honestly wonder if I'll ever find love.

And maybe, finally, it doesn't really matter anymore.

Make-up vs. Machine

You know you've been spending too much time modeling when you see an ad on craigslist asking for a "MAC expert" and you think of make-up before you think of a computer. Seriously, what happened to me?

Speaking of make-up, me and Corrie did a VERY last minute Mary Kay makeover/photoshoot tonight. She had gone over to put our rent in the box, and got snagged by a few ladies about doing a sitting. So she ran back and grabbed me, and off we went. The make-up was fun, but far too expensive. And those poor ladies had no idea what to do with my hair. Hehe...I love it.

The photographer was nice, so we'll see how it turns out. He had actually recognized me and Corrie from MP, so that was pretty cool.

To backtrack, my party at Strangeland was awesome! 51 Peg was amazing as always, and Liebchen, Cheetahdave, Sexpot, and Kangal all did some great sets. I got a great pic of me and the band too, but I have to figure out how to get it off my phone. Rites of Ash did a good job at Midnight on Saturday as well. The crowd seemed to like them, so I hope their show with HITL goes well next week, too.

To finish of the weekend of live events, the instore at Strangeland with Leaves' Eyes was really cool, though shortlived. They changed times over at Jaxx at the last minute, so the band could only come out for a few minutes. But they were really nice, we had a few people over, and I went ahead and got me a CD signed too. They're kind of a softer version of Nightwish, though I think the vocals are better. I dig it.

Work at Strangeland is going well. I can't remember if there's ever been another time in my life when I've woken up in the morning and actually looked forward to starting to work. Of course, the fact that most of my work gets done while I'm in bed drinking a glass of wine really helps.

You might be expecting me to say something about the entire string now of P9 show fiascos. I'm won't, so stop asking.

I'm also finding that being a fulltime music promoter means that you are always on call. You never know who is going to call you when after some random stroke of luck of running into such-and-such band member while having a few drinks at some bar at 3am last night. Gah. Going to take some getting used to.

Finally, I'm still wavering a bit on whether not to go to Pittsburgh tomorrow night. Please advise.

:-)

Tonight was so wierd.

So...to make a VERY long story short, the band ended up cancelling the show tonight. It was a pretty wretched situation all around, and no one person's fault, really. Just a lot of bad little situations that all added up in the end.

Anyways, well, I guess for me it ended up being ok. I fed the band (a very late) dinner, and hung out with them for awhile. So that was really cool. And, to not to go into too much detail in public, I'm feeling pretty confident again. :-)

I think things are ok now.

Tomorrow: 51 Peg!