Insomnia
So more and more often insomnia is striking these days. I was feeling a bit sick last night and this morning so I called out of work and slept in. Now...it's almost 5am. You know you've been awake too long when your boyfriend is getting up before you've even gone to bed. *sigh*
I guess I have a lot on my mind these days. Success is a conflict of opinion. I'm really happy with a majority of my life right now. The label is doing better than my modest expectations. Over the last two months, I've gotten an international distribution, sent several of my bands off on national tours, released half a dozen new albums, started working with a major scene retailer, and well, kept the business afloat and thriving in general. 'Real life' speaking, considering the economy, freelancing is still working out surprisingly well. I like my job, I like my coworkers, and have relatively little to complain about.
But, considering the economy, it may not be enough for much longer.
As I'm preparing to get my taxes done, I've been looking at the bottom line this month, and it's not good. I made enough to cover my expenses...barely. But if it wasn't for both JSun being willing to pay more than his share for rent as well as other friends and colleagues being lenient on payments, I'd really be scraping the bottom of the barrel.
The problem is, I don't see the situation improving on it's own. It's not like there's a promotion around the corner or that anyone is gonna start handing out raises anytime soon. I'm in a job I love where I've unfortunately already hit the ceiling. So now I'm faced with a hard choice: do I suck it up and take a different job - one that pays well but leaves me unhappy - or, do I pack up and move to some place where I can make the same amount of money doing what I like but where the cost of living is significantly lower?
The obvious consideration is my personal life. At the end of May, me and JSun will have been together for two years. Ever since he kicked the drinking and smoking for good six months ago, things have drastically improved. I love him, and I love being with him.
You know, when I was growing up, I always thought I was the kind of person who wanted to get into a committed relationship early on, and get married and live happily ever after. But now that I'm older, I'm finding more comfort in what we have now. Again, things are good between us, but the fact is - I don't know how I can decide now, at 26, if what I want now will be what I want when I'm 60. I still do firmly believe in marriage - so much so that when I do get married, it will be for the rest of my life. So the idea of making a commitment - to anyone - now is just a bit overwhelming.
Me and JSun talked about a lot of this the other night, and our options. JSun seems to be pretty set in staying in DC now, even though we had kicked around ideas earlier about relocating. His reasons are valid, but that means the next decision is on me: in order to stay in the area, I'm going to HAVE to get a higher paying job within the year. So, it's back to the original question: do I settle in my career for the sake of the relationship, or do I sacrifice the relationship in order to pursue my own dreams?
Why does everything have to be so black and white? Can't I just have it all?
I guess I have a lot on my mind these days. Success is a conflict of opinion. I'm really happy with a majority of my life right now. The label is doing better than my modest expectations. Over the last two months, I've gotten an international distribution, sent several of my bands off on national tours, released half a dozen new albums, started working with a major scene retailer, and well, kept the business afloat and thriving in general. 'Real life' speaking, considering the economy, freelancing is still working out surprisingly well. I like my job, I like my coworkers, and have relatively little to complain about.
But, considering the economy, it may not be enough for much longer.
As I'm preparing to get my taxes done, I've been looking at the bottom line this month, and it's not good. I made enough to cover my expenses...barely. But if it wasn't for both JSun being willing to pay more than his share for rent as well as other friends and colleagues being lenient on payments, I'd really be scraping the bottom of the barrel.
The problem is, I don't see the situation improving on it's own. It's not like there's a promotion around the corner or that anyone is gonna start handing out raises anytime soon. I'm in a job I love where I've unfortunately already hit the ceiling. So now I'm faced with a hard choice: do I suck it up and take a different job - one that pays well but leaves me unhappy - or, do I pack up and move to some place where I can make the same amount of money doing what I like but where the cost of living is significantly lower?
The obvious consideration is my personal life. At the end of May, me and JSun will have been together for two years. Ever since he kicked the drinking and smoking for good six months ago, things have drastically improved. I love him, and I love being with him.
You know, when I was growing up, I always thought I was the kind of person who wanted to get into a committed relationship early on, and get married and live happily ever after. But now that I'm older, I'm finding more comfort in what we have now. Again, things are good between us, but the fact is - I don't know how I can decide now, at 26, if what I want now will be what I want when I'm 60. I still do firmly believe in marriage - so much so that when I do get married, it will be for the rest of my life. So the idea of making a commitment - to anyone - now is just a bit overwhelming.
Me and JSun talked about a lot of this the other night, and our options. JSun seems to be pretty set in staying in DC now, even though we had kicked around ideas earlier about relocating. His reasons are valid, but that means the next decision is on me: in order to stay in the area, I'm going to HAVE to get a higher paying job within the year. So, it's back to the original question: do I settle in my career for the sake of the relationship, or do I sacrifice the relationship in order to pursue my own dreams?
Why does everything have to be so black and white? Can't I just have it all?
