Is it just me, or is Alan Rickman just plain hot? Jeremiah bought me the second Harry Potter movie this weekend, and I must have watched the dualing scene like 20 times. It's so funny, and alas, I can't get enough of Professor Snape's voice. LOL! Yay for Hollywood crushes!

Song of the Day: Fluffy Starr - "Perfect"

Not much going on...sitting in HODAT yet again. I'll be up all night drafting, so maybe I'll start now...

Song of the Day: Orgy - Perversion (Fetisha demo)

Meh. Sitting in the PAB on a Sunday morning. I've got work I should do, but I'm lazy.

I spent much of the day yesterday working on Fluffy's site...I was able to figure out how to get the music clips to stream, as well as create a "Fluffy Starr Radio" I think it's awesome, so we'll see what the rest of them think.

Not much else going on...I'm on a self-improvement kick...been working out, drinking green tea, taking vitamins...all that good stuff. I wanna get rid of my pudge, lol.

Song of the Day: Linkin Park - "Forgotten"

I miss my Steve. :-(

Song of the Day: Vanity Beach - "Fight throught the Night"

I hate it when I spend so much time and energy to help a friend out, and he just throws it all away. You don't seem to get it: I CAN'T HELP YOU IF YOU WON'T HELP YOURSELF.

I'm so tired.

Song of the Day: Alanis - "Not the Doctor"

So I'm sitting in HODAT bored out of my mind. David's great, but I just can't pay attention.

I guess having my computer doesn't help, lol.

I should start bringing some of my design work to class; Corrie's sitting next to me working on her design lab stuff, and I know I could be working on some lighting stuff for VWCC or Fluffy.

Meh. I'm feeling tired and sick.

Song of the Day: Plumb - "Solace"

Yay! Grace and Lou took on some new Journalism interns, so hopefully I'll get some work coming in soon. :-)

Other than that, not much else is going on. Steve's a sweetie...I got two emails from him today. I can't wait until I see him again in November. *snuggles*

Song of the Day: Celldweller - "Frozen"

Hero of the Day: Shirley Manson

Fucking hell, I was just reading Fluffy's blog and it is sooooooooooo great. GRR! "I AM WOMAN!" hardcore. Ok, to add to the rant, my biggest issue with society is that I'm a size 9, which is completely normal, but stores in the mall have stopped making clothes for people my size. Seriously, XL maybe would fit a size 7. WTF? I have this dream of starting a clothing line called like "Amazons" or something where the clothes are made for real woman who are healthy, proud of their amazing sensual curves, proud to have muscles bigger than most men, and who want to show their own individualities as opposed to the flimsy flowery 'come-hither' clothing that is designed only to make men want you - because obviously in this society that's the only way you're worth anything. I think that's why I like thrift store shopping so much...there I can actually find stuff that works. Ok, I'm done.

Second thought of the day: JCS kicks ass! What a great concert! Jimi Haha is the man. And Dana did a great job on stage...haha...Jimi put his guitar down and went to the back during one of their songs, so Dana hopped up on stage, picked it up, and kept going. It was classic. It was great hanging out with Matt again too...he road with me, so it was cool catching up with him. Good times, good times. The only bad thing is that I left my lights on during the show, so my battery died out...but it's all fixed now. Hehe...I'll never do that again. But yeah, I'll be posting my article on the show later on this week...I got some nice pics, too.

Song of the Day: Garbage - "This Is Not My Idea"

Aww...I'm in love. Steve is so cute. I wish I could see you sooner, too, sweetie.

Me and Heather had loads of fun yesterday...Jeremiah took us thrift store shopping and to the mall. It was like it was still last year. I found some really cool stuff...Heather found me this really awesome pen holder that goes so well in my apartment, plus I got a shelving unit to put on top of my table so that I can set up all of my bottles and dishes. It looks so cool. I also got this beautiful antique art history book (seriously, the thrift stores are the best places to find things for design classes) and a neat retro shirt. Then at the next one, I got these crazy silver pants and a mango colored langerie set - the top, of course, is going to be turned into a real shirt, lol. I love being a theatre major.
Then at the mall we stopped by Bath and Body works and stocked up on stuff...they have those great pumpkin candles out again, so I got another one of those, and then some lotion and stuff...they have some good scents out right now.
I love thrift store shopping! It's so much fun. I got so much stuff for under 20 dollars...it's a hidden treasure, for sure.

Today, me, Dana, Laura, and Matt are heading over to Alpha Sig for the Jimmie's Chicken Shack concert. Dana's expecting to be on stage again for part of it, so I'm taking my camera and gonna do an article for D1. Should kick ass. I've been needing a concert too...got a lot of yelling and singing to do, haha.

Song of the Day: Jimmie's Chicken Shack - "This Is Not Hell"

"Obsession"


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That was fun. Yeah, we're getting ready to go to the new version of fluffystarr.com soon, so I'm excited about that. We've spent this week uploading and tweaking things, and it's gonna be just great. Fluffy's uploaded her music video already, and that's totally cool...you guys will like it when you see it, lol.

Got back in touch with Celldweller too...he's still working on that interview. I can't wait to read it! He seems like a really nice guy. I hope I get to meet him in person one day, too.

Things are going well with Enter Laughing. I went up to Roanoke yesterday to check out the inventory, and to review some things. Ended up downloading the offline editing software for ETC, and that's so great. It's gonna save me so much time.

Heard from Steve, too. He's so sweet. Just getting emails make me smile.

Song of the Day: Alanis - "Baba"

I was about to go out on a rant about how isolated I am, but then I realized what today was. Somehow not much else seems so important. May we all live to see the day where we can accept our cultural differences and celebrate them; not destroy them.

But yes, me and Jeremiah got into it again last night. I should have known he couldn't have changed so quickly. He's not a bad person, but I have my own standards, and there's no hope as long as he tries to defend that whore to me. I thought at first maybe I should envy his ability to forgive so quickly, and then I realized he can't forgive her until he first realizes what she's really done. I don't wanna see him hurt, but this just isn't my place anymore. Somethings are just untouchable.

...trying to find where selfishness and self-respect divide...

"Is it my calling to keep on when I'm unable?
Is it my job to be selfless extraordinaire?
My generosity has been disabled
By my sense of duty to offer."
Song of the Day: Alanis - "Offer"

I can buy a car, rent an apartment, even be called as jury duty and send some dude to jail...but I can't get a new cellphone because I don't have enough credit. What the fuck.

All I want to do is to be able to call Steve. And now there's no way.

So I guess I should have known that things were a little too perfect to last. Jeremiah came over last night, and things didn't go too well. I guess I should have anticipated that one of these days, us bringing up the past would bring up those fights, too. Sometimes I forget how much all of this still hurts me. How much he still hurts me. Why do we instinctively cling to those things that should bring us pleasure, but usually bring us pain? Are those few instances of happiness really worth all of the suffering?

"Is all of this pain so necessary? You are...my sanctuary. Surely who ever speaks to me in the right voice...him or her I shall follow, as the water follows the moon. Silently."

Song of the Day: Madonna - "Sanctuary"

This weekend was really nice. I missed not being able to go to Ohio, but I had a good time all the same with my friends. Me and Jeremiah went kayacking Saturday afternoon, and it was really nice just being able to chill with him for awhile, with no pressure. Damn I'm so glad me and him got through this. We still talk about the past a lot...still a lot to get out in the open, a lot to come to terms with. But I'm glad we're getting this resolution. If our past relationship together...if the horrible break-up...and even if our current and future relationships are to have any meaning, we have to complete this circle. I know that my own sense of ending was acheived this summer, and it played a part in the relationship me and Steve are creating. And so I know that if Jeremiah's to deal well with what's happened between him and his ex, that he needs the same finality. I hate to see him in pain still over that. As upset as I was at the time, I tried so hard to prevent him from being caught up in that shit. It sucks when good people are taken advantage of.

Later Saturday me, Jeremiah, and Corrie headed over to the majors' party. It was great, even though I had to leave early. Theatre people are just great in general. I like my career. But if I get any more homework I'm going to drown in my own paperwork. So much to do for classes Tuesday... I need to stop being such a slacker, lol.

I noticed that Fluffy started putting a "Song of the Day" on her blog...was that from me? LOL? ;-) (Good song, btw. I LOOOOOOOOOOVE Madonna.)

And Dana, thank you for the email. I really needed that, and I'm so glad that things are healthy between us. I think I'm finally learning how to treat my friends with a little more regard this time around. But I will always be thankful for what you and Jeremiah have done for me.

Song of the Day: (for Dana) The Last Laugh - "Forever"
"I've got the faith. I've held on so long. And soon I'll find my place. Forever."

I was so scared that I wouldn't be able to fix some problems here. But I am so amazed that me and Jeremiah have been able to fix things so effortlessly. We've effectively been able to go back to the big brother / little sister thing without there being any pain, any discomfort, or being too close...it's fascinating how easy it was to go back to the way things were. It's surreal. Of course, some things are different. I'm not so emotionally or physically dependent (though it is nice to be pampered every once in awhile), and things in general are much more equal. He never let me pay for dinner...until tonight. It's just gonna be so much healthier this time around.

Things are calm and happy with me and Steve. I'm getting much more used to this type of relationship, and it was exactly what I needed. Perhaps something might come out of this after all. I guess we'll see how the year goes. :-) He's so much happier in this new job, and it's really making a difference. His emails are so cute and happy. *sigh* Sometimes I think the small, happy things is life are underrated. But little things like this really just make my week.

I'm content.

Meh. Lazily anticipating Directing - the last class of the day. I'm glad I live so close to my classes, because it has been pouring all day, and I'm still missing my umbrella. Yech.

I think I'm finally getting back into school mode, where homework really isn't all that bad...

I am so ready to graduate.

So yeah, still looking daily for job opportunities. I'm keeping a listing of every potential employer I find, so that when the time comes next semester, I'll have plenty to sort through. I'm determined to make something out of this career, especially with what I'm still fighting here.

I miss my Steve. But I have a feeling November may come sooner than I think. :-) *snuggles*

Song of the Day: Celldweller - "Own Little World"

Quote of the Day: "And they were up there thinking they were the shit, instead of just sounding like shit."
- Fluffy Starr

So I've pretty much decided against going to Ohio this weekend. As much as I miss him, it really is a bit absurd to drive so far. Not that it wouldn't be worth it, but I think this is a bit obsessive. I'll be fine until November, and who knows? Maybe something will work out sooner.

Plus there's so much going on here that I should stay for...Ed coming into town, the majors' party, kayacking with big brother. It'll be a fun weekend.

So I need to do some homework. Bleh.

Oof. I love my Steve.
Finally after much stress we got to talk last night. I can't wait to see him this weekend, if indeed this trip does work out.

Jeremiah said something interesting yesterday, about not having everything in one person, but in a few different people. I have a boyfriend, a big brother, and a best friend...what more could I need? I've got all the love I need and want...just not all in the same place. But if I'm going to be traveling, I guess it's good to have people spread out, lol.

Song of the Day: Fluffy Starr - "Unspeakable"

My one complaint to God when I get to heaven is, why couldn't He have come up with a better form of reproduction? I have cramps the size of Montana.

Anyways, these last few days have been interesting. Me and Jeremiah have been working through a lot of old business. I'm glad I have my big brother back, but I guess there was a lot more stuff I hadn't taken into account that we'd both have to deal with. Like the entire 6 months since things went bad. That may not seem like much, but it was still a big chunk of time spent undoing and changing what we had the previous year. This summer seems to span years.

Song of the Day: Madonna - "I'll Remember"