"I work for a corporation, but do you think I am a total conformist for them? You don't think I don't get my digs in when I can? And quite frankly, just cuz I work for them doesn't mean I sold out; sometimes you have to work from the inside to effect the changes in the world. I could go off on another fucking rant here about how people whine and bitch about the corporations and what they represent; how we shouldn't work for them which is probably true, but ultimately you work for them in some way or another. I mean really think about it...if you go to the movies you are feeding the beast of entertainment, if you work for a theatre who the fuck pays to see your plays exactly, and how do they pay for their tickets? You cannot put on free shows. Further, if you trying to make music that will effect a change - who buys it? Kids, right? Yeah, where do they get their money...from mommy and daddy who work for the companies I work with everyday. Individuality starts in your own fucking head and ends there, not where you work."

- stolen from Chris' blog (grammer added for emphasism, lmao.)

Dude you are so right. That's something that my dad made me see the other day when I was talking to them on the phone about what was going on with my job. I mentioned that things were kinda disorganized, but also that my boss is awesome in that he's really willing to let us take charge over our various areas of expertise. And my dad said, "Well, it sounds like this is your opportunity to make the job into what you want to be, and what you think it should be."

Yeah, ok, so I can't have my pink hair and I can't look all gothic anymore...but if expressing myself is only limited to my appearance, than I have just as much of a problem as the people that have the issues with my appearance.

Anyways, I am so rediculously sick it's not even funny. I don't know what I got into last night, but I ate dinner and only had a few drinks, but I was floored by 11. Missed work today and everything...ended up sleeping on someone's couch in DC last night, but never even got her name. I think maybe that I swallowed some detergent residue or something when I was eating/drinking...I can't really think of another reason that I would have gotten so violently ill.

I did, however, get an amazing new shirt from one of the vendors last night. Rock.

Song of the Day: Heretics In The Lab - "The Nothings" www.hereticsinthelab.com

*stretch* So yesterday was awesome. I met Corrie at her workplace and then we headed over to Tyson's to shop. I played around with the Mac as intended, and it seems to be pretty cool. So...yeah...gonna buy a Mac...

Me and Corrie also decided to get matching cartilidge piercings! Not really a huge deal I guess, other than the fact that I never had mine done before, since my parents were always so opposed to body modifications. I guess since I can't have my hair pink and can't physically tolerate tatoos, that a piercing here or there will quench my desires to be "alternative", lol. At least for now. :-)

I found a few shirts better suited for work I think, and also a really awesome handcuff bracelet. After we finished shopping, we met Vince and Rob for dinner at Coastal, and that was really awesome. Best bottle of Reisling I've had in awhile, too! After dinner we went and saw Teradegga (sp?) which was pretty funny.

Today's been pretty chill at work; spent the first part helping Andy get the gym set up for tomorrow, and the rest of my time's been spent doing inventory.

Why do I always get stuck with doing inventory? Stop laughing, Chris.

I'm scheduled here late for an event that apparently is not happening after all, so I'm just working on various projects around the office while I wait it out until 8:30. Then I'm going up to Midnight for a few minutes since I bailed on them last week. Unfortunately I have to be in at 6am again tomorrow, so I can't stay out too late.

In other news, I'm taking a few days off to hang out with HITL for two or three shows around the state in September. Should be a lot of fun. I also saw that the Spencers are performing in PA & MD in October, so I'm gonna shoot them an email and see if I can meet them for dinner or something. Those guys are awesome; I'll always be thankful for them being the turning point in my decision to pursue a career in the entertainment industry.

Song of the Day: Psyclon Nine - "Parasitic" www.psyclonnine.com

Finally, the first real day I've had off in weeks!

I really needed it after this week. You know, with my temperment and my previous clashes with various churches, I should have known I was asking for it when I took this job. I remember saying a few years ago when Fred Phelps Jr was protesting the Laramie Project, that 'organized religion is God's biggest enemy.' This week was just another example.

In a church with 6,000 members, I should have realized that no matter how much I tame down my appearance or my attitude, that there's still going to be at least one person who I'm still not conservative enough for. On Wednesday night, during praise team practice, I had a man come up to me and tell me I had some "modesty issues" because of the shirt I was wearing. Now, ok, during the week, my coworkers (all male) wear jeans and a dress or polo shirt. I wear either jeans or dress pants, and a dress shirt. That day I was indeed wearing jeans, and nice velvety brown shirt that was form fitting, but not tight nor cut low around the neck. Apparently, what happened is when I was working on the stage and loading up the amps on the cart, my shirt must've ridden up a bit on my back. Oh, heaven forbid you see two inches of my bare back! The second issue is that I was told my studded belt looked like bullets from far away, so I can't wear that, either.

Does anyone ever ask me how I'm doing? Anyone ever want to hear my testimony? Anyone wanna hear about my REAL problems, and help me with those? No. Because all that matters, obviously, is whether or not I look ok...not if I actually AM ok.

On the flip side, after a day to think about things, it's not fair for me to stereotype the whole church based on a few comments. Because for every detrimental comment I've received, I've had about 5 more of people thanking me for coming, and that they're glad I'm there. It's just hard because the harsh ones are what stick, and what makes me understand why so many people turn away from God when His children represent Him like this.

My faith is this: I think Jesus was who He said He was. And I think that because God loves us, I should in turn live my life in a way that is loving and compassionate to those around me. I think that's the whole point, and it's stupid for people to get caught up in meaningless details...like how I choose to dress.

Meh. However, my coworkers are really cool, the job is easy yet not too boring, and the pay is good. And, finally, I have time to do other things that I need to do.

I spent this morning working on our entertainment system here, only to find that the switcher we have isn't amplified, so I need to either get a DA, a seperate amp, or powered speakers. Meh.

Going to the pool for a few to relax, then me and Corrie are going to the Mac store in Tyson's Corner so I can check out the new Macbook Pro.

Song of the Day: Life Cried - "Gaurdian" www.lifecried.net

Oh my god I am so tired.

Working 40 hours at the church and then doing theatre overhire has not been easy. However, theatre is done for now...so this week *should* be better.

Finally went to the bank, finally got emails answered, finally getting back on track with music again. Hopefully...this will all be worth it.

In the meantime, my compy is acting up again. My track pad randomly stopped working mid-surf, but fortunately I was able to connect my wireless USB mouse and restart my comp and have it auto-detect, so it's not a total failure. Hopefully, it will last me long enough for me to get a new one.

Still thinking about a Mac. Suggestions?

I can't wait till my first paycheck.

Song of the Day: Plumb - "Motion" www.plumbinfo.com

I think I'm starting to get used to being an employee again...I miss my pink hair, I miss the theatre, and I miss being free...but I can't deny that there is something relaxing and peaceful about having a steady paycheck I don't have to constantly look for - or really work that hard for, either, lol. They keep us busy there, and there are lots of small ongoing projects, but it's laid back...no rush...we just tackle projects as we need to.

Lately I've been working on information for a new lighting inventory for the sanctuary. So Tuesday I spent most of the day measuring the space, then working out throw distances from the yet-to-be-built catwalk to figure out which fixtures would be optimal. Today I looked up pricing info on said fixtures, then worked on reorganizing our boxes of cables and adapters in the office. Not too bad.

I do have to say, though, that working at a church of all places gave me a whole new level of self-awareness. I was talking to Sean about this, and mentioned I had to tone down my "crude personality", and he told me he didn't think of me like that much at all...which is true. In comparison to a lot of people I know, lol, I'm pretty tame. But in comparison to the church...I realized how much of my personality is "subversive". So I guess I'm in the place where I'm trying to balance standing up for my individuality vs. being corporately acceptable.

God, that makes me hate working a real job again.

On the flip side...maybe there is a bit of a problem when the majority of my communication has been cussing, bad jokes, and humping my coworkers' legs. Maybe I do need to find a higher and more sophesticated means of expressing myself and showing affection.

Though I will always miss humping Gage's leg.

Still, there are things I'm holding on to. I fixed my hair to something more acceptable by me...a deep cherry red...still natural enough for work, but fun for me. I wear nice clothes...but they're still black. I wear my studded belts. I have some fun make-up. I pick on my boss. (I told one of the ministers the other day that my iPod was for when I got tired of listening to him talk.)

I guess some compromises still have to be made, even though I have come so far. Because, really, taking this job was all about me saving up money while I'm waiting for one of my albums to come out, so that I have the funds to support a release. Just biding my time, waiting...

Speaking of waiting, I got some disappointing news the other day about someone who is not touring out here in September after all. This is what I get for crushing on a rockstar 2,000 miles away. *sigh*

I finally got Plumb's new album. Sounds really great so far.

"Because in the end
What leaves you broken
In the end
Makes you better."

Song of the Day: Plumb - "Better" www.plumbinfo.com

*stretch* So I had today off...like other traditional a/v gigs, my weekends are subject to change. But that's cool...keeps things from getting boring.

So P9 announced their album will be out October 24th. Yay! You can preorder CTF now through Metro. I messaged Nero the other night about doing a release party at Midnight, so we'll see if we can work that out. Good times.

Tonight I need to sit down and do all my paperwork for the new job, cancel my private insurance, get all of my checks organized, etc. I want to try to get another section of RAM up this week, too.

Let's see...gonna head over to Midian this week after work, then Friday SLR is putting on a show for Ego Likeness that should be totally hot. Then of course Saturday is Midnight, and Dharmata 101 is playing. So, good times.

This week has been kind of wierd, though. I get the distinctive gut feeling that something is wrong with one of my friends, and I can't seem to get ahold of him. I'm worried...

Song of the Day: Psyclon Nine - "Parasitic (clip)" www.psyclonnine.com

Today was pretty good - it was refreshing to go back to Shakespeare, lol, and help with hang. I hope I can do some theatre calls every once in awhile to both keep in touch with everyone, and to keep in shape. After we finished, Sean took us all out for lunch and drinks. I ended up sitting at the bar talking with Brian for a few hours, which was really cool. He's a nice guy and I hadn't had much of a chance to get to know him. His hair is fuzzy, too, lol. I think he might come to the club with me sometime in the near future.

I was supposed to go to the 51 Peg show in C-ville and see Domi spin tonight, but I just couldn't bear the thought of driving 2.5 hours later on tonight on my own. Just too tired. I will however be at Midnight tomorrow, which is especially cool because I'm not actually working it this week, lol.

Sunday I get another trial by fire; I'll be supervising the services that happen in the gym this week, so that should be fun.

I need to buy new clothes. I have no plain/nice casual clothes. Everything I own is ripped up and/or black and/or music/culture related. I wonder if I can find a thrift store nearby sometime tomorrow?

Today is my third day at my new job, and so far things are going really well. All of my coworkers are really nice, so I think I'll have a good time here. The work is a happy medium between what the hotel and college were - it's not too busy to overwork me, but not too try to get boring. Plenty to do, but plenty of time to do it in, too. I think this will work out pretty well.

Three days and $75 dollars later, my hair color is now a dark brown. I left the pink in until Sunday, and then with heavy heart began the long process of bleaching the color out. I figured, hey, 2-3 bleach kits and I'd be good. Yeah, uh...8 hours on Sunday and 4 hours Monday morning, and my hair was still a nasty tangerine color. So that was fun - I came to work on my first day with my hair in a do-rag to cover it up. So I think, ok, I'll do the "vampire red" I bought from SLR, and it'll be fine. So I do that, go to sleep, and when I wake up...nope. It's about the same color as the pink used to be. Ok, fine...I went to the store, bought a darker red I usually used, and was going to just tone the current red down.

Don't ever, EVER, mix regular hair dye with Manic Panic. Ever. It causes a nice chemical reaction that turns your hair into a brassy color.

After that disaster, I rinsed the reacting chemicals out and braved the remaining dark red...fortunately that went on fine, but with my hair being in that yellow-ish state, it came out brown, and somewhat uneven. *sigh* I'm gonna wait a week, then touch it up. My poor hair.

Psyclon Nine's album has a release date set for October. They have some new clips up on their myspace page, as well as some new promo shots (which keep getting banned by myspace - apparently Josef holding a gun is too sugestive. "Hey mom, Josef Heresy is holding a gun so I'm gonna go kill people!" Yeah.)

Song of the Day: Psyclon Nine - "Crwn Thy Frnicatr clips" www.psyclonnine.com

Week's been busy, but ok. I totally botched my back at work this week. Thinking back it must've been when we were at Shakespeare and pulling the mult across the proscenium...I remember pulling my shoulder painfully at one point, and I'm now the proud owner of a knot the size of a golf ball (seriously) just behind my right shoulder blade. Oi.

Yesterday was not only the first maintenance day at Alden, but also my last day as a freelancer for awhile. I start my new job tomorrow, so today is being devoted to recoloring my hair. I'm currently in phase one of the bleaching process, as I'm trying to go to platinum. It's proving difficult; however I did get a pot of "Vampire Red" Manic Panic from Ryan today on the way back from church (yes, I went to church today for the first time in several years - seeing as that's where I'm now working, I should probably meet people there.), so if all else fails, I'll be back to a similiar burgundy color that I used to use. Kinda boring for me after the fabulousness of hot pink, but better than just going back to something natural.

Nuclearfest is put on hold...the venue has to make time to do some refurbishing, so we'll have to do it later. Ah well, it'll probably be better later on when I have more money and their place is remolded.

The last few days have kinda been wierd on a personal level. Last night was one of those examples where I only seem to be attractive when I don't try to be. But on the flip side, I spend so much time elsewhere trying to show some affection to have it go unnoticed. Maybe I'm lame for looking for a return.

Whew, long week. Well, first of all, the trip back home of course...

After some dismal traffic (who the hell is driving on 66W at 7:30pm on a Friday?) we made it down to Lynchburg roughly 2.5 hours after I had told Jonathan we'd be there. In any case, it was awesome - Jon looked great, and the venue kicks ass. So I'm talking to three bands and it looks like it's on...and the headliner is rather huge. So go me. Lee's gonna handle my tech set-up, so you know that's gonna rock. More details as that comes up. While we were there we saw a hobo sitting on the train tracks (no joke - homeless dude with a bag and a fishing tackle...what else would you call it?) and I got lost and managed to stumble into EC Glass - my old high school. Very wierd being back there.

But we pressed on, and no worries to anyone who didn't make it out to AA's, because I didn't make it either. We didn't get in to Roanoke until after midnight.

Saturday was the wedding, and it was wonderful. Dana and Laura looked so beautiful and happy, and it was so nice seeing my friends again, especially Heather, Laura, Lauren, Joe, and everyone else...of course, true to form, I drank a bit too much...needless to say me and Corrie ended up being most of not all of the life of the party (But I mean, when are we not?). Guta and JCS were a lot of fun, too, of course. Good times.

Sunday we rolled over to my parents house, but they weren't home, so I just snagged my sewing machine and left. Me and Corrie had also gone thrifting on Saturday (and I felt bad because we should have called Heather but we didn't think she was still in town...oops) so I have some fun new clothes that need just a bit of altering.

The rest of the week has been a bit of eventful so far as well. Got my car inspected on Monday...then a rock to my windshield on Tuesday. It got kicked up when I was driving into work and put yet another gash in the glass...this one's bigger so I have to go get it fixed, meh. Work has been pretty good...I missed all of those guys at Shakes, and the project isn't too hard - we basically sit around and clean lights all day. It's kind of dull, but we're not hauling stuff around or standing up, so I can't complain. Tomorrow is my last day of that, however. Then I do the same thing at Alden on Saturday...and then that's it. It hit me today that this is the end of my time as a freelancer for awhile. It's kinda sad, but I can't deny that I want to no longer be broke.

I start my new job on Monday it seems. I am looking forward to it...I think there's a lot of potential for it to be cool.

I went to Shady last night to see Domi and Dave spin, and it was really cool. I'll probably drop in there from time to time, even though parking is a bit of a bitch in that part of town. Speaking of clubs, Alchemy reopens tomorrow night, so I'll be heading over there after work tomorrow...

I also got a very good email over the weekend that has made me extremely happy if it all works out...can't say what yet, but every time I think about it I can't stop smiling...

Oh, I'm vending at the last minute at Midnight again this week. So come out Saturday and dance with me!

Song of the Day: Redrum - "Delerium" www.redrumonline.com