Dear God...where am I and what am I doing?

A full day spent attempting to figure out my purpose. Why did I come to Utah? Who's doing the influencing and who's being influenced? How did I get in over my head, and how do I get out? Do I get out? What I just heard tonight in the past hour made my worst moments at Holy Cross look like a party; and so what if I watched a man die last year? It's nothing. But I don't know if I can do this. I love you, but I am so numbed by all of this. This day...from "trying to find where selfishness and self-respect divide", to falling down a cliff and my own self-destruction, to my best friend's misery, and to my future hopes shattered to unfortunate pasts. Unfortunate pasts. Will these ghosts ever go away?

Dear God...it's so out of my hands this time. More so than ever. All I can do is hope that the price of my tears and sacrifice will keep others from paying a price they don't have to pay. Let me be the one I should have been before. Let me be right when I usually am so wrong.

Dear God
I just can't pray enough tonight
I'm in a place where I am scared
And I need you more than ever

I wasn't ready for this
And I want to run away
This isn't my problem
But then why would you put me here

I believe that everything has a purpose
And I know I won't die until my life is done
So show me what there is to do
And I'll see it through

I'm finding out what real love is
And I wish I didn't
I wish I was still naive, demanding, and selfishly satisfied
I wasn't ready for this sacrifice

But no sacrifice compares
And I know

- The Last Laugh "Dear God"