IM profile of the day, courtesy of Cullen:

Angry Scotsman for hire:
Pay: Negotiable (will accept money, alcohol, food, or sweet lovin)
Skills: Building? Anything. (materials additional cost)
Can drive a stick shift (comes with his own Ford Mustang, complementary)
Not afraid of sticky things or getting dirty (rrrrow)
Good with his hands.
Not too smelly most of the time.
(Correction, can be smelly a lot of the time depending on the season)
Comes also with complementary handcuffs
When: When do you need him?
Specialties: Hitting things hard (addendum: with a hammer), setting things aflame (including normally non-flammable items such as metals and himself).
Do call right now because this Scotsman won't last long!!! Okay . . . he will but he gets impatient.

**Special Offer** Order now and receive your very own "Pre - Distressed" sleeveless undershirt
DON'T WAIT CALL NOW
Operator standing by.