So wow, yesterday sucked.
I knew that I had made some enemies in the industry - whether it was something I did, just personality differences, or simple jealousy - hey, it happens. But yesterday it was like it all rolled up into one point, and basically ruined a thread for something completely different. Which makes me wonder: no matter what I do to support my friends, is the fact that it's ME supporting them actually counter-productive?
In some cases, yes. But for the most part, no. If people choose to hate some bands because of my webdesign, then who wants them as fans anyways? There are certain people involved who's opinions I very much don't respect, so in a way it's flattering to know that they hate what I do; I'd be abit worried if they thought I was like them. And I'll be honest...I can't listen to a certain band now without thinking about how one of their staff members behaves. I certainly hope none of my favorite bands ever has to be represented by someone like that. Personally, I don't give two shits what people think. What sucks is that something was supposed to be a thread supporting a band's music turned into a webdesign bash directed towards me. Aren't we all here for the music?
Blah. Been talking to a few people about this. I felt a lot worse about this all yesterday. But today I realize that it really is only one or two insignificant people making the issue, so fuck them. I'm not leaving.
I spent almost all day talking to Lance. *sigh* It started out as a professional "edit this review from Thorn" then morphed into what it usually is. I wish I could swallow this all and by friends and nothing more, but that's not what my heart feels. I wish my feelings had been so shallow that I could be over this by now and moving on. But that's not me, and talking to him just hurts. I love him so much...but I get offline or hang up the phone and no matter how good of a conversation it might have been, I feel fucking miserable. I was right the first time: we're cutting all connections until I can stand firm on my own. That's just the way it is.
One good thing did come from this, and it was something I had wanted to talk to him about, and that is, basically, where the time period really is for his chance to change this. Once she comes down, it's off for good. I won't be a back-up plan, or second best. As much as he tries to push this off on me as being my decision, the truth is this exile is imposed completely by him, and it's in his hands to give us another chance. But only for a dwindling few weeks more.
We had one more conversation as I was going back to Blacksburg last night, and it was something that I had forgotten about, and I guess it's time to start remembering. I always believed that God will get your attention no matter what He has to do. I'm beginning to think that some big change is coming, since it feels like every aspect of my life is going to hell. He's done it before. So at last maybe I've found the hope I need to cling on to now. I don't know what's going to happen, but I'm looking ahead and waiting to see what I'm supposed to be doing...
I knew that I had made some enemies in the industry - whether it was something I did, just personality differences, or simple jealousy - hey, it happens. But yesterday it was like it all rolled up into one point, and basically ruined a thread for something completely different. Which makes me wonder: no matter what I do to support my friends, is the fact that it's ME supporting them actually counter-productive?
In some cases, yes. But for the most part, no. If people choose to hate some bands because of my webdesign, then who wants them as fans anyways? There are certain people involved who's opinions I very much don't respect, so in a way it's flattering to know that they hate what I do; I'd be abit worried if they thought I was like them. And I'll be honest...I can't listen to a certain band now without thinking about how one of their staff members behaves. I certainly hope none of my favorite bands ever has to be represented by someone like that. Personally, I don't give two shits what people think. What sucks is that something was supposed to be a thread supporting a band's music turned into a webdesign bash directed towards me. Aren't we all here for the music?
Blah. Been talking to a few people about this. I felt a lot worse about this all yesterday. But today I realize that it really is only one or two insignificant people making the issue, so fuck them. I'm not leaving.
I spent almost all day talking to Lance. *sigh* It started out as a professional "edit this review from Thorn" then morphed into what it usually is. I wish I could swallow this all and by friends and nothing more, but that's not what my heart feels. I wish my feelings had been so shallow that I could be over this by now and moving on. But that's not me, and talking to him just hurts. I love him so much...but I get offline or hang up the phone and no matter how good of a conversation it might have been, I feel fucking miserable. I was right the first time: we're cutting all connections until I can stand firm on my own. That's just the way it is.
One good thing did come from this, and it was something I had wanted to talk to him about, and that is, basically, where the time period really is for his chance to change this. Once she comes down, it's off for good. I won't be a back-up plan, or second best. As much as he tries to push this off on me as being my decision, the truth is this exile is imposed completely by him, and it's in his hands to give us another chance. But only for a dwindling few weeks more.
We had one more conversation as I was going back to Blacksburg last night, and it was something that I had forgotten about, and I guess it's time to start remembering. I always believed that God will get your attention no matter what He has to do. I'm beginning to think that some big change is coming, since it feels like every aspect of my life is going to hell. He's done it before. So at last maybe I've found the hope I need to cling on to now. I don't know what's going to happen, but I'm looking ahead and waiting to see what I'm supposed to be doing...
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Song of the Day: 51 Peg - "Thin Victory" www.51peg.com |
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