Taken from the SRC forums, from the ever-wise Kyuss, to an insufferable newbie:

Dear:
[x] Clueless Newbie
[ ] Loser
[ ] Spammer
[ ] 12 year old
[ ] Pervert
[ ] Nerd
[ ] l337 d00d/"vet"
[ ] Other: illegal immigrant

You Are Being Flamed Because
[ ] You posted a Nudity thread (anime or normal).
[ ] You whine like a girl.
[ ] You bumped a thread from the last page.
[x] You posted something already asked a hundred times.
[ ] You started an off-topic thread.
[ ] You posted a "YOU ALL SUCK" message .
[ ] You don't know which forum to post in.
[ ] You posted false information (or lack thereof).
[ ] You are bragging about being a scumbag and/or griefer.
[x] You posted a question answered in the ARCHIVE FUCKING FORUMS.
[x] You posted something totally uninteresting.
[ ] You doubleposted.
[ ] You posted a message all written in CAPS (oR aLtErNaTe CaPs).
[ ] You posted a X > Y thread. LAME.
[x] I don't like your tone of voice.

To Repent, You Must:
[x] Give up your AOL Internet account
[ ] Bust up your modem with a hammer and eat it
[ ] Jump into a bathtub while holding your monitor
[ ] Actually post something relevant
[ ] Be my love slave
[x] Apologize to everybody on this forum
[ ] Go stand in the middle of an intersection

In Closing, I'd Like to Say:
[x] The search button is your friend!
[x] Get a life
[ ] Never post again
[ ] I pity your dog
[ ] I think your IQ must be 6
[ ] Take your crap somewhere else
[ ] Do us all a favor and jump into some industrial equipment
[x] Go play Dress-Up Barbie Online™
[ ] All of the above