I have no one to blame but myself. I went against all of the ideals I had sworn I'd follow, and sold out, went corporate, and sacrificed my loves and passions for money and the delusions that I would soon be engaged to a man I'd only dated for a few months. So now I'm in a job that is eventually going to not only distract me from my goals but outright interfere with them.

And how much is eight-fifty an hour anyways?

Today just sucked. I was at work so late tonight, and I don't know when things are going to improve. I don't like this. I don't want to be here. I'm exactly what I thought I'd never be...the theatre major that lives at home with the parents, never moved away from college, and is working a job that has nothing to do with the career she was intending to pursue.

All for the goddamn money.

So I'm sitting here now, wishing I had something to distract me, but of course it's too late to do anything because, hey, imagine this, I have to work tomorrow. As all of my friends are out drinking, hanging out, going to shows, whatever...I'm stuck in Bassackwardsville VA, trying to pretend that I'm the type of person I always resented.

Jacob just left to go out for the night. I wish he hadn't, but what kind of girlfriend would that make me to say "yes" when he asked me if I wanted him to stay. God, I suck. I really do. I can't believe this is the kind of person I turned out to be.

So I'm going to go cry myself to sleep now, or maybe just stress about what's going to suck more about the job tomorrow. Because there's nothing left to do, and no one left to talk to.

The full and honest truth. I hate just about everything in my life so far, and I'm going to hate myself even more if I don't break it all to pieces soon.