The first thing I thought when I hung up the phone was, "You asshole..."

The second thing was, "this is gonna be a fucking long blog entry, and it's only noon." But no, I decided against doing a novel tonight...had several very interesting twists on lyrics he had written, lyrics I had written, etc. But I guess I'll just say my peace and move on.

Some of you know that I was heading down to Blacksburg today to see Jacob. Doing the end of relationship returning of items. We were going to have lunch like civilized adults, but when I arrived, no one was home. So I called him, and he's in Christiansburg with one of his buddies. Told me to get my stuff at Kent's and leave his shit there.

I could have just mailed his stuff back without going to all the fuss. But this kinda sums up everything that had been a problem: I take the time and the gas to drive down to see him, and he fucking flakes on me. Now, to be completely fair he apologized to me when I got home, but there were larger problems at stake.

I called Mike, we went out to lunch and to a bar, so I got drunk, and was then late to band practice. Now my band buds were sympathetic, but goddammit, I'm not that kinda person. I don't do that shit. I'm mad at myself for putting myself in that situation.

I love Jacob very much. But I love myself more than to do this to me. I learned a long time ago to stop beating myself up and taking the punishment for things out of my hands. I'm not gonna throw the blame around anymore, but tonight is the end. I'm done with it. Me and Jacob will be friends eventually, but now I'm moving the fuck on.

Song of the Day: Jimmie's Chicken Shack - "Do Right" www.jimmieschickenshack.net