Two days later and I think the anger is subsided. I still think I made the right decision though. I feel a lot less stressed out and much more focused on the things I'm doing now.

I didn't get a chance to really talk about it the other night, but practice went great on Sunday. We had a 15 minute jam session where the guys just started playing and then I came in, and it just worked. It was a good feeling. I got a lot of my frustration out and working in a positive way; first time I've screamed on some of those songs, but that's what it's gonna take I guess. Tonight is supposed to be a song writing night, but John just called and said he got hurt at work yesterday and may have a slipped disk. So we're gonna see how that goes. In the meantime, I'm gonna run by T-rex after work and get the new NIN album. I also saw on RAW last night that Cena's new album comes out next week, and you know I'm gonna be all over that too. I love rap waaaaaaaaay too much for a goth girl, lmao.

But yeah, overall I feel better and better as time goes on. Yesterday was such a nice day that I even popped a Tripleside cd in on the way home from work. I was afraid at one point that listening to "Running Awake" might have been upsetting, but I'm glad to say it's more comforting than anything else. The only one that got to me was "Walking Through Fire." Recent events made that song really trite I guess. With the "without the sour the rest wouldn't sound as sweet" and the "we'll walk through the fire and all the battles left to come"...and I wonder, where did those ideals go? When did we learn to give up so easily? We only started talking about our problems after we called it quits. I guess in that song of an ideal world, the fire and sourness was some external force we could fight together, instead of the issues that were inherent to us and drove us apart. I guess after listening to that I felt a little weak and a little ashamed of myself for just throwing in the towel without having fought like the little Klingon I thought I was.

I saw on Jacob's away message today that he's already planning on getting together a new band. That makes me really happy, even if I'm not in a position to support it more right now. I think right now my band is really saving my sanity through all of this. I never told him this, and maybe I should have, but if Jacob hadn't been in Tripleside I never would have found the guts to get my own band started. I remember going to his shows and being so damn proud of him. He unknowingly gave me the strength to do something I had always thought about, and I appreciate that more than I can say. Lots of times I felt I was the 'strong' one in the relationship, but the presence and emotion he poured out on stage always surprised me, in the best sense possible. I loved being his girlfriend at his shows more than anything, lol. I know he never believed me, but on stage he was so beautiful. Hehe. :-) Good memories, right?

Well, back to sorting screws I go...

Song of the Day: Jimmie's Chicken Shack - "30 Days" www.jimmieschickenshack.net