Ahhh...now that I can sit down at work with a soda and wait for these lectern deliveries, I can write a bit more.

First of all, I'll admit laughingly that I am being an 'internet punk' and having way too much fun on Corrie's blog, lol. That guy is incredible, wow! Hahaha. But on a more serious note, it does get me mad too, because like I said before, I've also had comments made to me in the past that because I didn't have to take out loans for school or go into debt up to my eyeballs that I don't know the value of money, etc. Here's a few thoughts on that.

First of all, most of you know that I went to a high school with Dual Enrollment, AP, and IB classes. So instead of being a slacker in high school, I worked damn hard and got 33 college credit hours. A lot of my friends have done similiar things to save money and time in college. Doing this was in no way easy. But because I did, I saved money by taking cheaper (dual enrollment and AP & IB test fees are undoubtedly cheaper than college tuition) methods of college education (while in high school), and I saved time in college by being accepted as a Sophomore.

Secondly, because I worked so hard, I got scholarships both in high school and throughout college to help pay. Now you tell me why me getting money through my own merits is somehow worse than just getting a contracted loan that anyone can apply for?

Thirdly, a lot of loans you take out for college don't have GPA requirement. You can get by with whatever minimum your school lets you get a way with. But I know in my case and I would imagine others, if your parents are paying for your education, you better damn well keep yourself on the honors list. So again, a lot of effort goes in maintaining your parent's funds.

I'm not trying to put anyone down that had to go through the loan route. A lot of my friends did, and I respect what they had to go through. But to say that because I - or one of my closest friends - is spoiled or doesn't know the meaning of money because we've never been in debt is just rediculous. I'm thankful I have parents that both were able to and were willing to help me out. I'm thankful everyday that I can put my paycheck in my "savings" side of my account instead of "checking". I'm thankful that I can pay for health insurance on my own, and put away a bit every year for retirement. I know a lot of my friends can't yet.

So if I was not working, sitting around on my ass, mooching of my parents, and spending what little money I had, yeah, you could say I was spoiled. But I've got a damn decent job, starting my own business, and I manage my money with the best of them. I know a lot of my friends do to, and we have a lot to be proud of.

Ok, I'm done with that discussion.

Moving on to matters of relationships, yeah, me and Frankie just had a wierd night last night. Band practice ended really early since Evyl was out and Derek wasn't feeling good, so I called Frankie up to see if he wanted to hang out a bit.

To be honest, even though I'd overall had a good day, I had something said to me by one of my friends (completely unintential) about my last failed relationship - nothing big, honestly, but just enough to kinda, I dunno, sober me up. So I was in kind of a wierd mood - I have a lot going on around me, and I know I'm approaching a turning point in my life.

A few weeks ago when we were in Cleveland, Frankie got a little upset because I was having a hard time dealing with some stuff, and I just kinda shut down and wouldn't really talk to him about it. Nothing against him - I just gotta get to know someone before I really open up, especially if I'm in a relationship. So he was a bit frustrated because he knew I was hurting, and wanted to help, but I wouldn't let him.

Well, last night I was hurting a bit again, and I could have either gone home, or called up one of my buds for a drink and dealt with it that way. But instead, I thought that I wanted to spend time with him for my consolation. So I guess in a way this was the first time that I did open up to him and tell him how I was feeling. And in a way, it was just disasterous. No response, no words of comfort - I think I scared him.

I know that's how Jacob felt whenever I mentioned Lance. I know, I know...I just got out of one relationship and moved on to the next, but it's not like any of you guys didn't know that. In the same way that Frankie let me know from the get-go that he was about to be a dad, I told him I had a rough break-up with some severe consequences. I really don't know what any of you want from me. You tell me to let you in, then when I have a rough day you move to the other side of the room and tell me you don't know what to do?

So yeah, I'm pretty pissed off. I just wanna guy who's not afraid of me.