I think it's just ended up being one of those days where the actual events (good) have nothing to do with your mood (bad). Had a good day at work, great time hanging out with Chris and Toni (good food, good beer, good company, good RAW episode) but I got home and, damn, all I want to do is go to bed and have this day be over.

It was cool because I found throughout the course of the evening that I may have a future apartment after all - like, perfect for me in all respects. And that kinda scared me. Damn, if I get my own place here, that just makes things that much more permanent. I don't like the idea of permenance in Roanoke Fucking Virginia.

So all while taking a shower and getting ready for bed, I started re-examining my priorities and my goals and realized, again, that I have no clear motive or dreams. Is that a bad thing? I honestly don't know. I don't know where my love or even my ability for theatre has gone (and I know that's been gone for awhile) and I don't know where my drive for LA went. I don't know what the next step is for my business. I don't know where this relationship could possibly take me. Maybe the excitement in life and in this industry is about the unknown, but I don't know. Maybe because I'm surrounded by people that are freakin' married and having kids and settling down is just getting to me too much.

I don't want to think that I'm 22 years old and that I may have already lived the best experiences of my life, and that the game is over. I need a change.

"Change your ways
For now, you're living in a dream
Change your ways
For now, you're holding me down."

Song of the Day: Disown - "Beautifully Sickening" www.disown.cc