My stream of consciousness is just wierd.
So this conversation starts with me sitting downstairs working on the new batch of podiums and marveling over the de-gendering of our society. For example: I've found amusement over the last few weeks that I've run into several men who don't know how to do the following: use a ratchet set, put away the blades on a multitool, or even carry a multitool to work. I do all three. So wierd! Now, don't get me wrong, I think it's awesome that I can do the job I do. I also think it's awesome to see a lot of guys doing things that in a lot of ways were considered to be too feminine in the past - show their feelings, cook, not pay for dinner everytime, etc. So it's good. But I think what would be better is a society where everyone could do everything...having a guy that can cook me dinner is awesome, but he needs to know how to use power tools, you know? And same for me, too...I can build all this shit, but I can't cook a meal using anything other than a microwave. So I thought, not only do I need to learn to do some new things, but if I ever have a son, I'm gonna make sure he knows what a miter saw is, lmao.
And then it occurs to me in full force, in the context of what I wrote about last night about not having a purpose...that, well, my life could easily become that in a few months. The whole thing with me and Frankie has been about the time before September...I had just assumed, and I guess he has too, that once his son is born that his time will be divided into two lives...one with his kid and one with me?
Does it have to be that way? Am I too scared to take on a roll that I didn't ask for? Did we both just assume that it couldn't be done?
This feeling isn't new. I remember with a previous ex, finding out that he had a daughter, and flipping out at first. I assumed then that I'd never really meet her, have nothing to do with her life, and that his life with me and with her would be seperate. It didn't turn out that way. I met her the second time I went down to stay with him - he was still at work, so we sat and talked in the living room for about an hour - watching tv, talking about music, Harry Potter, etc. And it was ok.
So I dunno. Me and Frankie haven't talked about this. He may not want me to be involved with his son. He may want to keep his two lives seperate. The mother may not want me in the picture, either. But I can't deny that I thought today about teaching a little boy how to use a ratchet set, and the idea made me smile.
Is this just therapy for me?
So this conversation starts with me sitting downstairs working on the new batch of podiums and marveling over the de-gendering of our society. For example: I've found amusement over the last few weeks that I've run into several men who don't know how to do the following: use a ratchet set, put away the blades on a multitool, or even carry a multitool to work. I do all three. So wierd! Now, don't get me wrong, I think it's awesome that I can do the job I do. I also think it's awesome to see a lot of guys doing things that in a lot of ways were considered to be too feminine in the past - show their feelings, cook, not pay for dinner everytime, etc. So it's good. But I think what would be better is a society where everyone could do everything...having a guy that can cook me dinner is awesome, but he needs to know how to use power tools, you know? And same for me, too...I can build all this shit, but I can't cook a meal using anything other than a microwave. So I thought, not only do I need to learn to do some new things, but if I ever have a son, I'm gonna make sure he knows what a miter saw is, lmao.
And then it occurs to me in full force, in the context of what I wrote about last night about not having a purpose...that, well, my life could easily become that in a few months. The whole thing with me and Frankie has been about the time before September...I had just assumed, and I guess he has too, that once his son is born that his time will be divided into two lives...one with his kid and one with me?
Does it have to be that way? Am I too scared to take on a roll that I didn't ask for? Did we both just assume that it couldn't be done?
This feeling isn't new. I remember with a previous ex, finding out that he had a daughter, and flipping out at first. I assumed then that I'd never really meet her, have nothing to do with her life, and that his life with me and with her would be seperate. It didn't turn out that way. I met her the second time I went down to stay with him - he was still at work, so we sat and talked in the living room for about an hour - watching tv, talking about music, Harry Potter, etc. And it was ok.
So I dunno. Me and Frankie haven't talked about this. He may not want me to be involved with his son. He may want to keep his two lives seperate. The mother may not want me in the picture, either. But I can't deny that I thought today about teaching a little boy how to use a ratchet set, and the idea made me smile.
Is this just therapy for me?
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