I remember when my grandfather died, talking to my family about how everyone is put on this earth for a purpose, and not to fear or grieve, because we will only die once that purpose had been served. I said that we should be thankful that God's will has been done, and find peace in that. But do those words comfort me when I apply them to myself?

Those of you who know me really well know that I have a solid faith, even though I don't talk about it a whole hell of a lot. And those of you who really really know me, know that I have in my past had a few experiences that can't be explained in this world.

So last night I had another...dream. And maybe that's all it was really, just a dream spawned out of frustration and stagnation. But the basic idea is that I die, and soon. So I wonder, if I am in my last few months, would I be ok with that? Do I trust myself and God enough to find peace that whatever I was sent to do might have already been done? I feel like I have so much more to give, but maybe the greatest action I could commit has already happened. Kind of a sobering thought I guess.

When I first got really sick back in college, I was scared about how out of control it was, and of all the different prognoses I heard. That was probably the first time I really considered my own mortality, and how I might have more years behind me than in front of me. So I guess it's a kind of reality slap in the face to be thinking like that again.

Maybe God is just telling me to clean up my act.

"Don't turn around
Don't walk away
Don't try to lead if you don't know."

Song of the Day: Plumb - "Sobering (Don't Turn Around)" www.plumbinfo.com