I remember taking classes with professors like Polanah and Abey and first accepting ideas such as good vs. evil and absolute truth are predominately Western ideals, and that most of the world exists in cultures that don't even acknowledge any of the sort. It made so much sense, because my world was becoming progressively less black and white, and much more grey.

I used to live my life by what I thought was "good" by American society's terms. I used to live my life by what was "religiously correct" by Protestant terms. But I keep running into situations that have so many variables that NOTHING is right, I can't do anything that will make anything or anyone better. No matter what I do, someone is going to lose.

So I started living my life by trying to act as caring as possible to those around me. Because if anyone's going to get hurt, it might as well be me. It's the best conclusion I can come to, but it comes with a terrible price.

Everything is so fucked up right now. I haven't heard from my old man since Tuesday. And last night was just another example of how me trying to be a good person and trying to be honest was really just the wrong thing somehow, and I got exactly what I deserve for wearing my heart on my sleeve. I have no one to blame but myself.

Song of the Day: Disown - "Judas" www.disown.cc