Anxious again...
Not really sure what to expect at this point. Things have been wierd. Ever since I've gotten home it's been nothing but silence with a few bits of coldness. I'm hoping it's just typical tour burn-out...but I'm uneasy. I'm not even looking forward to this tomorrow anymore. I can't believe I volunteered to cook dinner for 8 people.
This weekend is so good for me career-wise, but so draining personally. I keep forgetting that it's my birthday, in fact. I think once I get to SLR on Friday I'll feel more at ease, but right now...I wish I could just get really drunk and sleep this one off.
The last few days have been absurd. Both in good and bad ways. I ended up working with Larry from RoA about a show he's doing at Jaxx. A) I got HITL on the bill and B) we ended up meeting Jay randomly for drinks that night. So a lot of good stuff coming our way. But of course, it wouldn't be a goth show without some drama thrown in. Oi.
SLR is also hosting a last minute in-store with Leaves' Eyes on Monday, so that should be awesome. Monday is also when I start working with them fulltime, so I'm looking forward to that.
Though I have to say it's kinda crazy...I am doing music promotion fulltime. I am actually doing...it. This is what I came for.
And yet, I feel hollow.
I mentioned it to Ryan the other day, actually. It's strange because honestly and realistically - this wasn't supposed to work. Dreams don't come true, right? Wasn't I supposed to fail? On one hand, yes of course I'm thrilled and proud...but on the other hand...what happens now?
Maybe it's because Christmas is coming up, and I'm still alone. Maybe because it's my birthday, and it reminds me I've gone another year with so little love in my life. I'm just starting to feel like I've hit a dead end at this point.
I guess it's strange, because for the first time in my life, maybe I can both HAVE the successful career and love at the same time.
PS - Thank you big brother for the present! I opened it and thought...yep...that's from Jeremiah...only he will buy me an awesome new knife every year! :-D
This weekend is so good for me career-wise, but so draining personally. I keep forgetting that it's my birthday, in fact. I think once I get to SLR on Friday I'll feel more at ease, but right now...I wish I could just get really drunk and sleep this one off.
The last few days have been absurd. Both in good and bad ways. I ended up working with Larry from RoA about a show he's doing at Jaxx. A) I got HITL on the bill and B) we ended up meeting Jay randomly for drinks that night. So a lot of good stuff coming our way. But of course, it wouldn't be a goth show without some drama thrown in. Oi.
SLR is also hosting a last minute in-store with Leaves' Eyes on Monday, so that should be awesome. Monday is also when I start working with them fulltime, so I'm looking forward to that.
Though I have to say it's kinda crazy...I am doing music promotion fulltime. I am actually doing...it. This is what I came for.
And yet, I feel hollow.
I mentioned it to Ryan the other day, actually. It's strange because honestly and realistically - this wasn't supposed to work. Dreams don't come true, right? Wasn't I supposed to fail? On one hand, yes of course I'm thrilled and proud...but on the other hand...what happens now?
Maybe it's because Christmas is coming up, and I'm still alone. Maybe because it's my birthday, and it reminds me I've gone another year with so little love in my life. I'm just starting to feel like I've hit a dead end at this point.
I guess it's strange, because for the first time in my life, maybe I can both HAVE the successful career and love at the same time.
PS - Thank you big brother for the present! I opened it and thought...yep...that's from Jeremiah...only he will buy me an awesome new knife every year! :-D
1 Comments:
But realistic dreams can come true, you went to DC with the dream of doing what you are now doing full time. Remember it has not even been a year, and you have done it. Most of us just have dreams that can never come true because they aren't based in the real world. Your dream was, and it has come into being through a lot of hard work on your part. Embrace it, and feel good about it.
-The Count
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