Appreciation
It's been nice lately that instead of complaining about a lot of things, that instead I feel I have a lot to be thankful for.
First of all, I had a good conversation with my mom today. She told me she was proud of me. Anyone that's been reading along knows how much I needed to hear that.
I had a really great day at work. I got to do some foam carving today, which rocked. Hadn't done much of that since Utah.
So this guy I mentioned earlier has turned out to be pretty awesome. We spent some time together this weekend, just hanging out, going to the clubs, and then eventually bowling. Here are some notes about why he rocks so far (guys, take note):
1) He hasn't been shmarmy. Not once. It's been slow going, like he actually wants to get to know me.
2) He pays attention to the details.
3) He's affectionate and kind.
So, again, pretty early on in things, but I think it's pretty safe to say we'll at least be good friends. It's kinda nice for once not to jump head first into things (which I suppose I have tended to do lately).
On the flip side, I see someone else again here in less than two weeks now. I don't think I really realized how hurt I am that things didn't really work out in that area until this week. I've tried to take the high road and to give out my love and affection without regard to what I get in return; I don't want to be selfish. But I've known for awhile based on his own insecurities and low self-esteem that he'd never be able to return my feelings. So I know it's not me, or anything I've done or failed to do. But at the same time, I do need/want something...if I can't have it in him, then I should indeed have been looking elsewhere to begin with. I guess this past year I thought it would have been selfish, but I think now I'm realizing that it's just plain logical to be in a relationship with someone who is closer to an even ground with me, emotionally. I can be loving and affectionate...and there's nothing wrong with me wanting someone to feel that way about me in return.
Anyways, I should get some sleep since theoretically I work tomorrow morning. (We'll see what happens with the impending snow.)
First of all, I had a good conversation with my mom today. She told me she was proud of me. Anyone that's been reading along knows how much I needed to hear that.
I had a really great day at work. I got to do some foam carving today, which rocked. Hadn't done much of that since Utah.
So this guy I mentioned earlier has turned out to be pretty awesome. We spent some time together this weekend, just hanging out, going to the clubs, and then eventually bowling. Here are some notes about why he rocks so far (guys, take note):
1) He hasn't been shmarmy. Not once. It's been slow going, like he actually wants to get to know me.
2) He pays attention to the details.
3) He's affectionate and kind.
So, again, pretty early on in things, but I think it's pretty safe to say we'll at least be good friends. It's kinda nice for once not to jump head first into things (which I suppose I have tended to do lately).
On the flip side, I see someone else again here in less than two weeks now. I don't think I really realized how hurt I am that things didn't really work out in that area until this week. I've tried to take the high road and to give out my love and affection without regard to what I get in return; I don't want to be selfish. But I've known for awhile based on his own insecurities and low self-esteem that he'd never be able to return my feelings. So I know it's not me, or anything I've done or failed to do. But at the same time, I do need/want something...if I can't have it in him, then I should indeed have been looking elsewhere to begin with. I guess this past year I thought it would have been selfish, but I think now I'm realizing that it's just plain logical to be in a relationship with someone who is closer to an even ground with me, emotionally. I can be loving and affectionate...and there's nothing wrong with me wanting someone to feel that way about me in return.
Anyways, I should get some sleep since theoretically I work tomorrow morning. (We'll see what happens with the impending snow.)
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