In My Mind
After some events of this last week, I at least figured out something substantial about myself.
I seem to tend to be pretty open about myself and my life (I don't have anything to hide; and if I've made mistakes I admit to them) but it usually unwillingly gets me into trouble as I have a tendency to be too open too fast when getting to know someone. I had sort of already figured this out, but still had a hard time keeping my mouth shut 100% of the time when I should have.
Why? Why isn't it logical for me to not say things that people don't want to know?
I'll tell you why, as I just figured this out. It's in my nature when someone is emotionally vulnerable to me (whether on purpose or on accident) it's my instinct to comfort, love, and try to help them. So if I'm dating or getting to know a guy and he tells me about his insecurities or his past hurts, that actually just makes me want to get closer to him, seeing that there's a need for affection and understanding.
Where as, apparently, most people instead feel threatened and undermined by someone's feeling about someone else, or issues in life that *might* detract from the potential new relationship.
I consider myself a very loyal and committed girlfriend. And just like I don't think the pursuit of a new relationship diminishes my feelings for previous lovers, I also don't feel that my past relationships and their remnants inhibit me from fully loving someone new. I also don't think any struggles I may have had in the past or even now are really that relevant to a relationship. These things made me, I am human, and this is a part of life.
I am a bit hurt from what happened this past year, and this weekend showed me that. And I'm sorry it happened that way. If I had known I was in pain like that, I would have been more cautious and slow. And it was bittersweet to know that what brought the pain to the surface was how good it felt to be touched and held so gently by someone else for the first time in quite awhile.
I seem to tend to be pretty open about myself and my life (I don't have anything to hide; and if I've made mistakes I admit to them) but it usually unwillingly gets me into trouble as I have a tendency to be too open too fast when getting to know someone. I had sort of already figured this out, but still had a hard time keeping my mouth shut 100% of the time when I should have.
Why? Why isn't it logical for me to not say things that people don't want to know?
I'll tell you why, as I just figured this out. It's in my nature when someone is emotionally vulnerable to me (whether on purpose or on accident) it's my instinct to comfort, love, and try to help them. So if I'm dating or getting to know a guy and he tells me about his insecurities or his past hurts, that actually just makes me want to get closer to him, seeing that there's a need for affection and understanding.
Where as, apparently, most people instead feel threatened and undermined by someone's feeling about someone else, or issues in life that *might* detract from the potential new relationship.
I consider myself a very loyal and committed girlfriend. And just like I don't think the pursuit of a new relationship diminishes my feelings for previous lovers, I also don't feel that my past relationships and their remnants inhibit me from fully loving someone new. I also don't think any struggles I may have had in the past or even now are really that relevant to a relationship. These things made me, I am human, and this is a part of life.
I am a bit hurt from what happened this past year, and this weekend showed me that. And I'm sorry it happened that way. If I had known I was in pain like that, I would have been more cautious and slow. And it was bittersweet to know that what brought the pain to the surface was how good it felt to be touched and held so gently by someone else for the first time in quite awhile.
1 Comments:
We can only be the sum of our past, each step down the path we have set before us makes us who we are. Thier is nothing wrong with remembering the joys of the past, and using them as part of who you are as you move on to new loves. With each relatonship you have learned someting, and taken something with you from that experance.
And yes, deep down we all just with to be held, or to hold someone so we are conected to another soul, even if it is for a short time.
Hope all is well, and I'll talk to you soon.
-Big Brother
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